Even though the weather in my neck of the woods as of late would seem to indicate otherwise, the calendar is telling me that summer is just around the corner. You know what that means: Beach Season!
If you recall, last summer was My First Summer Without a Bikini, and honestly, I haven’t looked back (and am even a little surprised that it has only been a year since I stopped wearing bikinis). Even still, I remember and understand the desire girls have to show off that new beach body and especially that new summertime swimsuit. And in the age of Facebook, what better way to show off than by uploading a picture? It seems harmless, and everyone else does it anyway…
But before you upload those pictures this summer, you may want to check out these 4 reasons to reconsider the bikini pictures:
1) Because EVERYONE that you are friends with (and more, depending on privacy settings) can see these pictures.
Let’s stop and think about this for just a minute. Think carefully of all 812 of your friends. I’m sure you will come across at least one person that you wouldn’t want staring at you in a bikini.
To put it another way: imagine putting on your bikini and knocking on the front door of random Facebook friend—we’ll call him “Bob”—‘s house, and then just saying, “Feel free to stare at me. I’m just going to stand here smiling.”
Are you sufficiently creeped out? Unfortunately, that’s really not much different than what you’re doing by posting that “super cute” bikini picture of yourself on Facebook.
(If you’re having trouble thinking of who looks at your Facebook, here are some ideas to start you off: Uncle Jim, that kid you went to highschool with, the random guy you added because he kind of looked familiar but you’re not really sure you know in real life, potential employers, your lab partner, etc.)
2) Because the good guys (i.e. – the guys you want to date) will choose to “hide” those pictures from their newsfeeds anyway
[edit: No one believed me on this one. So I compiled some proof….]
That picture we took at the beach with our friends last Saturday? We may see it as a great shot of us with our friends just having a good time, looking cute in our new bathing suit, and are thankful those crunches have paid off because our abs look darn good. We even often post these pictures with the hopes of catching the attention of that cute guy from school.
This is so misguided though. Assuming the guy you’re interested in is a good guy trying to do the right thing, he will not want to objectify you by reducing you to a mere collection of body parts. But asking a guy not to reduce you to a collection of body parts and then presenting him with an image of basically nothing but body parts is sending some seriously conflicting signals. (That picture is not inviting him to admire your beautiful smile…)
In other words, if the guy that you want to see this picture is a good guy with some discipline, he is going to hide the picture from his newsfeed because it’s an occasion of sin that he is wise enough to eliminate (and I have this on the authority of some pretty spectacular dudes). If he’s not, well then he’s just going to objectify you without a second thought. It’s a lose-lose situation. Either way, you’re definitely not getting the kind of attention you want.
3) Because you’d never post a picture of yourself in your bra and underwear on Facebook
Right? Of course right. Let’s stop pretending that a pictures of us wearing material covering the exact same amount of skin looks any different.
4) Because your beauty is more than your body
Like I said, you will definitely attract attention from guys by posting pictures of yourself in your bikini, but they’re not going to be focused on your beautiful smile or your magnetic personality. Don’t believe me? Just check out the comments on anyone of you or your friends’ current bikini pictures. I’ll bet they all read something along the lines of, “Dayyyum, girl!” and use words primarily like, “hot,” or “sexy.” You’ll be hard-pressed to find a “beautiful” or a “lovely,” but isn’t this the kind of attention we want far more than being referred to as, “hot”?
It’s a cheap way to get attention, and let’s face it: it’s beneath you. You’re beautiful, and you don’t have to post a half-naked picture of yourself on Facebook to prove it.
thanks!
i have to say, i disagree. all of these reasons not to post bikini pics and basically reasons not to wear bikinis at all, right? if you dont want to be objectified on FB why would you wear a bikini around 1000s of people at the beach?
if people think bikinis are immodest that is fine. there are many very immodest bikinis. there are also immodest one pieces. there are also tasteful bikinis.
it seems that following this logic we should be surfing in burkinis. we should do our best not to lead men to lust, but it seems that if i can’t wear a bikini to the beach then i cannot run in a sports bra top when it is 100 degrees outside. and fitness models showing us how to do exorcises are now equated to VS angels. i would just like to represent the population of orthodox FUS educated catholics who say, hey wear a bikini 🙂
good point
Just to give a guy’s perspective (and trying to put this as delicately as possible)…
There’s a slight but important difference between just wearing a bikini on the beach and putting a picture of yourself wearing one online.
Let’s just say there are things that a guy alone in a dark room might be tempted to do whilst looking at a picture of a woman with her body on display that he wouldn’t do on the beach. …get my drift? It’s a challenge that virtually every guy struggles with, and I think that’s why the post talks about disciplined guys hiding the pictures to avoid an occasion of sin. The “sin” is that embarrassing “M” word…
Sorry to be blunt, but no one else was saying it (and thank God for online anonymity!)
Thank you for sharing that, it was a perspective I had not thought about.
However, men (catholic and far from catholic) who are going to masturbate are going to find the image, and it isnt always of girls in underwear or bikinis. No, I do not want to be a part of it. But there are men with foot fetishes (maybe on my friends list), can I not post a picture of my pedicure? I have had men bluntly tell me that the single sexiest clothes I own are my winter running gear -can I not picture of me posing in my running clothes with a friend?
Posts like these in a way shame women into over thinking how responsible we are for men masturbating. I encourage any man who will be tempted to go ahead and block those pictures, but that is your responsibility. Do you masturbate to pretty feet? Then block food pictures girls all take of their toes in the sand. Are my long sleeved running tops too tempting? Block them. But telling me that the reason I cannot post something is because man can’t resist me just insults men. Write the article about how men can avoid tempation.
Women masturbate too. Where is the article about how men can’t have topless posts on their facebooks? Women are always told about how we must be modest so as not to lead men to sin, men are told not to be lead into sin. I am very thankful to a beautiful woman of Christ who brought up her frustration with this, because it is true.
I am not a feminist. I would not walk about in my panties on a runway. But I can wear a tasteful two piece that covers my junk, and if being modest in a bikini isn’t good enough for me, then it is time for men to step up.
Thank you again for bringing up this point though because it did make me pause and think. But beside the “masturbating to online picture” argument, the article still says that basically it is immodest to wear a bikini and that is just not true (at least according to most God faring Catholics from coastal states).
What I’m not sure you understand (or maybe just failed to acknowledge) is that your average God-fearing Catholic man doesn’t usually get online with the intention of masturbating. But seeing a picture of you in your bikini presents a major temptation, and the guy may fail.
And you’re right; it’s not your fault if a guy falls because we have free will, too. The question that you must ask yourself is: Is it ok with you if a guy pleasures himself to a picture of YOU? If you are, then by all means, post away.
(and if you really feel THAT convicted about your feet or your running clothes, then yeah–I guess you shouldn’t post those either)
Again, I do my duty to not lead men to lust. But I cannot control them. Do I want m to masterbate to me? No. Do I know for a fact that men have seen my WINTER RUNNING Clothes and actually jacked off to the mental image? I do. Am I going to quite running? No. Do I have other clothing options? No. Because sweats absorb the -well- sweat and make it too cold. Wearing sweats on top of my running pants will make me die of heat exhaustion.
If you genuinely struggle that hard with masturbating when you see a woman in a bikini, check the DSM -there are enough sexual addiction disorders for you to find a potential diagnosis and fix the problem.
I think it is sad that you think it’s okay for me to post provocative pictures so long as I’M okay with others masturbating to me -remember, that is a sin that affects their relationship with God, it has nothing to do with my permission.
This attitude is part of the problem of men placing the responsibility on women to full on protect their virtue. In reality, it is ENTIRELY the other way around. Adam was put in the garden to protect and serve, and since the moment he left Eve to eat that apple men have been failing to protect women.
I do my part. I cover up. I stay off the pole. If a God fearing man is that out of control with his masturbation, he needs to get help. I am 25 years old and will post a picture from wine night with the girls on facebook, because it is legal and completely okay. If that causes you to go get drunk, get control of your addiction and get to a 12 step meeting. I can wear a modest bikini and behave appropriately and I have no shame posting a picture of me and my surfboard. If you are minding your own business online and that alone is enough that you have to stop and masturbate, there is a much deeper issue and there is help for that.
But men are not babies. It is not selfish to say that there are lines to be drawn with how much pressure and shame you put on women about their images and clothing choices because some men just can’t handle it.
Also, to remain with the theme of the post, I bet posting a picture in a one piece will still cause men to masturbate if they are that addicted. My flabby stomach is probably more lust inducing covered up anyway. This issue is way bigger than 4 reasons why one person well informed and very articulate woman thinks bikini pictures don’t belong on facebook.
That being said, I just don’t agree with the premise. And I think it is time men step up, women can only so much .
Men will masturbate to anything if the mood strikes. Human sexuality 101.
I’d disagree. I know a lot of good catholic men who do their best to control their urges. I know some catholic and non catholic men who don’t care. I don’t want to be part of it and I don’t want to inadvertently lead them to it.
but it only goes so far, I do believe I should carry myself in a way that men value my virtue over my tatas. and i want to not encourage them to whack it. but you are right, men need to take responsibility and control their own urges. I personally believe that I should help out with that but not flaunting -to me that is like buying a martini for an alcoholic. I don’t think bikinis are any more lust provoking than many of the one piece suits around.
The human animal is wired to be aroused to stimulus. One day,that maybe tatas in a bikini, and another day it maywellbe the schoolmarm in a buttoned up blouse. Once you accept the understanding that you can’t control the mind or body of another, you can more freely focus on what you can control: your own desires.
Men are not animals. They are high and noble creatures. The attitudes women present about their behavior and the encouragement we can give them in those areas where their wiring can be manipulatedto weakness, can really help them. That is why this is even a topic of conversationhere. Why would I not want to help my brother be more the man that God is calling him to be?
Because: God helps those whohelpthemselves. In the caseof sexuality, it’s not on a womanto be her brother’s keeper.
Yea, sure we will. A picture of anything, doesn’t matter. Now, if you’ll excuse me, this picture of a Jell-O pudding cup is taunting me into sin…
How about letting men worry about how they’re going to manage their lust issues? Half the problem with religious dogma as it relates to women is the notion that men need coddling and protection from their base urges. That perspective presumes that men are animals, no more capable of controlling their sexuality than creatures in the wild. So now women get the burden of repressing themselves or are actively repressed so ‘men won’t be tempted?” Ridiculous.
We live in an enlightened age. Men have the ability and can control themselves and I refuse to believe otherwise. It’s not a female’s responsibility to ‘do their part’ to control their lust. That’s their job.
Worry about managing your own lust, let them worry about theirs. Women have enough on their plate without taking on the maternally repressive role of protecting adult men from themselves.
I fully expect that the next move for conservative Christians is advocating burquas – so men won’t be ‘tempted’.
I disagree and I am also an old lady. I think it is just respectful to consider not making oneself an object of any kind of inappropriate attention. First, I respect myself- and dress with dignity and decorum- and behave that way too. Secondly, I respect others and choose by hopefully appropriately modest but attractive dress to create an image that is pleasantly appealing-for the purpose of influencing people for good. Not to gain admiration for myself to inflate my ego, not to indulge myself in my own comfort, not to make myself the center of attention in any way- but to have an influence for good with the intention of glorifying God.
Does the my clothing choice glorify God? Do I care what feedback men I respect give me about my appearance? What is my motivation in wearing what I wear when I wear it? These are all reasonable questions to ask oneself.
In charity, I’d like to help my brother by not being a near occasion of sin for him. Simple as that.
Actually, thinking that Catholic’s (I know you said Christian, but this is a site revolving around Catholics and as I am Catholic I will speak of our specific teachings only) will start advocating burquas is not very accurate at all. The truth that the Church teaches is that women are representative of the utmost and perfect beauty. It is wrongful to reduce that beauty to a mere object by putting the body on display to the point where it is difficult for men to resist lusting after it. However, it is also just as wrongful to think a woman’s body can only lead to sin, and that it is something to be ashamed of or hide. There should be perfect equilibrium between presenting the beauty of a woman’s body and keeping it from being reduced to an object.
Perhaps it would be nice for you to understand a psychological explanation. Women are not as inclined to lust as much as a man because their bodies aren’t made to do that. Men have constant streams of testosterone that do not stop. Women, on the other hand, don’t have constant bursts of estrogen. Therefore, it makes it more difficult for a man to control himself when his body is constantly craving it. This does not take away from the fact that men, nonetheless, are still responsible for controlling themselves. I just thought it would be appropriate to mediate by adding that piece of information.
If you really think that’s true about women not having as strong a sex drive as men due to the differences in our hormones, you’ve obviously never met me the week after my period when I have to use all my will power to keep from grabbing the nearest attractive man and rubbing myself against him like a cat in heat.
“Men have constant streams of testosterone that do not stop. Women, on the other hand, don’t have constant bursts of estrogen.”
Biology class. You should take one.
I was a runner, and sweats, long”er” loose shorts, and a loose t-shirt never gave me heat exhaustion.
im not goin running in 30 degree weather in a loose t shirt, im wearing my spandex.
Sorry guys, I guess I’m not so much concerned about how my wearing a bikini might be leading you to sin. Rather I’m concerned about my own dignity as a beloved daughter of Christ. So yes, I wear a bikini on the beach to get a tan and I feel most comfortable in a bikini, when swimming/laying out. I don’t go walking up and down the beach in my bikini because I want to feel respected and treated with dignity. I feel reduced in who I am by the inappropriate comments that come from men when walking on the beach without a cover up on. That being said, the article is about posting that image on facebook, and honestly, I struggle with understanding how any female could be comfortable with doing this. Wearing a bikini is for my benefit and what do I receive when I put it on facebook? People telling me I look smoking hot…how will that benefit me? It doesn’t lead me to virtuous actions. Rather it leads me to get in the mindset of wanting to remain a certain way to please a guy. Where is the freedom in this? Christ calls me to be free, and that is what I strive for. Please men of Christ, a woman wants to be told she is beautiful with a pure intent. Facebook limits the ability for a man to communicate this pure intent.
or sometimes you post pictures of an event, and not for any gratification, but because you documented a time out with the girls and happened to be in a swim suit top. i guess the break down is in the fact that i post a ton of pictures of facebook, some flattering and some not. and they aren’t for the purpose of seeking attention or comments about how good i look. it’s for fun. We do want to be told how beautiful we are, but it isnt fair to assume that women post pictures of facebook to fish for compliments.
Then that is on you my man. If you are that weak and pathetic that you masturbate to bikini pics, then you need to have your head examined. And you have to be joking about her not posting the running clothes, what are you suggesting then that she shouldn’t post any pictures, because maybe those sweat pants she lounges around in also turn me on, or maybe she is showing too much ankle. I mean is this real life here? I have never seen such timid people in all my life.
My yoga pants are def. hotter than any bikini. haha
Why is masterbation considered ‘weak’ or a ‘sin’. Is it wrong that I’m doing it now, reading these great comments… these really great comments? This conversation is so exciting.
What do you have against masturbation?
This whole discussion is a crock of sexist shit.
facebook-590904778 The whole catholic religion and most other religions are a crock of sexist shit… what did you expect?
Check out Jason Evert’s “Should Christian women wear bikinis?” this is about more than the mans temptations; it’s about letting yourself be an object for the man, who often cant help but objectify if he hasn’t been spiritually active… You shoudnt just leave men for themselves! Even if a guy doesnt struggle with this problem because he doesn’t view it as a problematic sin, you have a dignity that you can demand and challenge the man to acknowledge
Yea, they shouldn’t be objects. They should be stuck at home cranking out babies for the rest of their lives, right Caths?
I would love to stay at home and crank out babies… but then the massive student loans would go unpaid 🙁
no one is just leaving men for themselves. I know Jason Evert has probably said a thing or two about men being accountable for themselves and fighting temptation. I personally do believe I should carry myself in a modest manner to help out my bros, but bikini/tankini/”modest one piece” will all me sources of lust for me in some way or another. I don’t really care is Jason or Mary have an opinion on the matter, but telling me i should or should not wear a bikini isn’t their place. There is no dogma on swim wear, there are plenty of reasons why the debate needs to move past “it is modest to show this body part and not that one.”
Klengierre – I completely agree with all of your points! Bravo!
I thought the same thing when I saw that Jason Evert video of why Christian Women shouldn’t wear bikinis.
Like you, I was frankly irritated that he didn’t clarify that he is merely giving his own fallible opinion here.
Please people – remember we’re Catholics. The Church never has and never will take on the attitude of so many other religions and spell everything out like that; giving us a dress code that will transcend the changes and fluctuations of culture? Never has and thank God never will happen. 🙂
CS Lewis talked about how a girl in the islands could still be modest wearing the coconuts of her cultural dress code. Being modest is about your heart and your intention. Trying to dress on the more conservative side of the fashion… Not trying to dress totally differently from the culture.
I have a friend whose husband was raised in an extremely strict Christian home. He had never been to the beach, and my friend recently planned a trip for him to the Carolina coast. She realized that he was totally nervous because he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be in a public place where he knew most of the women would be wearing bikinis, because that is the norm of our sporty, tan-loving culture.
She helped calm him down, trying to explain that it would be different when he was there and he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Sure enough, my friends husband was so relieved to discover that people hanging out on the beach in similar clothing styles was natural and didn’t seem immodest in person at all.
I personally don’t want my sons to grow up and feel nervous in social situations because I tried to protect them and tried to create a false dress code that my society doesn’t follow. I felt genuinely sorry for my friends husband… That must have been quite an embarrassing moment for him with his wife. Talk about vulnerable!
People, like Jason Evert in his talk about bikinis, who want to go back in time and pretend bikinis are not the comfortable standard dress code (as every good coastal Catholic or Christian will gladly tell you !) are just like Shakespeare lovers who hate the modern vernacular. You can still appreciate the old English, but I’m sorry, you will simply be unable to undo the natural development/evolution that occurred. You will only alienate yourself from your neighbors by trying.
I believe in living IN the world. I don’t believe in creating an alternate lovely Catholics-Only world instead, where I think sin will be prevented safely.
Thanks Flengierre – your comments are brave and honest. I appreciate it a lot!
I don’t think I’ve claimed anywhere that it’s Catholic dogma that you shouldn’t wear a bikini; in fact I think I’ve been pretty clear to the contrary. And Jason Evert was asked if he thought Christian women should wear bikinis. He was also giving his opinion, and it happened to be: “no, they probably shouldn’t.” I think it’s perfectly in his place to answer a question honestly.
You sound like a feminist to me. Being a feminist is a good thing… I promise!
Um, you might be tempted to beat off to pictures of girls on facebook, but most of us don’t. It’s the internet, there are better resources. lol, sin, FFS…
Then you believe we should all wear a chador and hejab, yes? Because, there are men who will get excited if they see a womans ankle or hair or eyes or lips. This means women should not be allowed to post any photographs that show any portion of her body, right?
If a male is alone in his dark bedroom, surfing FB for pictures that’s a problem he should deal with. He, and you, should not blame the woman who has her picture up. It’s not difficult NOT to masturbate. What’s to stop that same man from fantasizing about a woman and dreaming about what she would look like in a bikini and masturbating to that?
Place the responsibility where it belongs, on the masturbator, not the womans choice in clothing.
I agree with you.
I am a girl and it makes me crazy when I see all the photos with girls in bikini, because I know that those photos are a open door for boys to sin.
Lol, Wow. Are you serious? Masturbation is healthy and there is nothing wrong with it. It shouldn’t be a “struggle” or a “temptation”. Stop repressing your sexuality. You will feel better and have less stress.
Hey I’m not at all trying to be dogmatic about this or saying that good and faithful Catholics can’t disagree on the bikini issue! (After all, I like to think that I have been a faithful Catholic for years and it wasn’t until last year that I decided to ditch my bikini!)
I do take slight offense at the “burkini” comment though 🙂 Mostly because I am a fan of looking cute, and I happen to think that the modest swimsuits I find make me look darn good without showing too much skin. There’s a very wide range between bikini and “burkini,” and we can be feminine and lovely without showing cleavage or too much skin otherwise.
Just reppin’ the population of orthodox JP Catholic educated Catholics who say, “hey, not wearing a bikini doesn’t have to mean uptight or prudish” (while of course recognizing that women who wear bikinis can still be super-awesome Catholics, too).
I completely agree that not wearing a bikini doesn’t have to mean uptight or prudish. There are just as many ADORABLE one pieces as there are really cute bikinis. But women (especially well intentioned and orthodox catholic women) have in the past gone way too far in calling on their sisters by telling them why they are immodest. I am going to quote an AWESOME woman named Emily, who I am so glad is my sister in Christ:
“Seeing a woman’s body is not
the problem. It’s in the man’s head. It’s the way he looks at women. Why
is it that tribal men all over the world (well, even European men for
that matter) can handle seeing breasts but American men are supposedly
incapable of not objectifying a woman who has “revealed too much skin”?
Please. It’s not about the women. Victorian men used to get turned on
by seeing women’s ankles. It’s all about fetishes. And the more we act
like this is “just the way men are,” the more we demean and infantilize
them. If this were some inherent, uncontrollable “problem,” women would
never be under the care of male physicians.” Emily W, the freaking woman.
I am sorry that the burkini comment offends, I happen to actually think they are QUITE awesome (just bad for tanning really). But the more we open the dialogue about modesty, the more I see women being even MORE confused about what to do with their bodies. Where does one draw the line in what does on the internet? Where does one start to feel guilt about their choice of clothing? What happens when one starts to feel shame about their bodies?
Women who wear bikinis CAN be awesome, but awesome and modest are not the same thing -and that is the problem. Even with the most positive spin, this article makes the wearing of a bikini pretty much immodest because men on facebook will see it and reduce us to BODIES. That is on our culture, not us. And, I can say I have never gotten a “DAY-UM” on a bikini picture, mostly a “why are you making that scary raptor face?”
You are correct that we can disagree about the bikini issue, but I think the bottom line is that bikinis arent the issue. In a perfect world I could run around naked and no one would lust. In fact, that is how it is in a lot of countries (ahem*americancultureiskindofabigproblem*ahem). More of the problem for me is that anything on facebook can lead to sin for men, but let’s focus on that really means: Hey men, step up your game!
I’m a major fan of Chris West’s work and I can’t help but notice that your understanding of modesty/theology of the body seems somewhat formed by him? Have you read this article?
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/archive/ldn/2009/may/09052510
Particularly, this section may be of interest to you:According to Schindler, West appears to be saying that “if we could just get over our prudishness and sin-induced guilt … we would be ready simply to dispense with clothes and look at others in their nakedness.”However, Schindler responded that according to Christian theology, temptation “dwells ‘objectively’ in the body, and continues its ‘objective’ presence in the body throughout our life on this earth.”The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, in paragraph 405, that Original Sin has caused human nature to become wounded and is now “subject to ignorance, suffering and the dominion of death, and inclined to sin – an inclination to evil that is called concupiscence.”Schindler said that, “we should expect holiness to ‘trump’ temptations or disordered tendencies in the area of sexuality exactly as often as we should expect holiness to ‘trump’ the reality of having to undergo death.”
I think both men have good points. I am a huge fan of Christopher West, in particular how he explains the whole idea of birth control.
Yes, we do live with concupiscence, and a bikini isn’t tearing off our clothes and running around naked.
Bikini vs One piece vs Burkini is all incredibly subjective. We can expect that we will be dealing with the effects of original sin, and we can strive for holiness, and sin can be overcome. Men and women can strive for holiness and do what they can to help each other avoid lust, but our culture is more of what has made cleavage itself a source of lust. Just like other cultures have made other parts of the body sources of lust. Women cover their hair in come cultures because of it’s sexual implications. But if we taught and preached about the beauty of the body, and we taught others to value it the way it was intended, I think there would be a big change.
I think the biggest problem I have with this is that there are many modest bikinis that are much more reserved than one pieces I have seen. Even modest swimsuits can illicit lust when viewed by a man. The transformation doesnt start with the articles of clothes.
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing the link, I am mid studying and look forward to reading it more thoroughly.
I don’t think that it’s all about limiting a mans temptations, although that is a major point to be made. As I had it explained to me once, the clothes you choose decide how much you get to reveal to your husband on your wedding night. This is my first year to choose more modest swimsuits, and I do agree that there are many relatively modest bikinis out there! However, there is more to this than modesty; the focus should be on chastity: defining your worth through both physical and spiritual action. Modesty falls under the umbrella of chastity. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to what your conscience tells you is pure.
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I just wanted to see how narrow I could get this post.
Any narrower?
Aww, it won’t let me get it any narrower. Anyway, I was gearing up to say that faith is about as narrow as this post.
LOVELOVELOVELOVE…. oh my goodness, you were speaking my mind exactly
I agree with you on this one. I am one of those Catholic girls that is EXTREMELY devout, and live my life for God…. But I wear bikinis. And honestly, I love bikinis! I went through a phase where I was very uncomfortable with my body, so I would always cover myself up. I eventually transitioned out of that phase (thank goodness!!) and love my body! I want you to know that women dont JUST wear bikinis because they want guys attentions. After I recovered from anorexia, and I regained enough weight, I switched to a bikini because every time I put it on, its a little reminder that I overcame a huge obstacle and I WORKED to get the body I have now!
It makes me feel proud and happy, and I am not planning on switching back to a one piece with will remind me of the days when I hated everything about my body.
If guys dont want to look, they can turn around. I wear a bikini for ME!
I agree with your logic that if you shouldn’t post it on facebook then you shouldn’t wear it at all, but i would stick with the don’t wear the bikini Or run in your sports bra. Especially if your catholic and EDUCATED you would know that Pope JPII told young women modesty should not cover the bare minimum, and so his guidelines call for women not to show heir stomachs or too much of their thighs, and I agree because I have seen many a man’s degrading reaction. While men should not degrade women and they are responsible for that if they do, women shouldn’t put themselves out there is a way to be degraded.
i love JP2 and a lot of his work, but it just seems nit picky to me that my stomach is going to be the straw that breaks the camels back on lust. i would equate it to saying that muslim women can show their hair because it is too risque.
in practical application, it just doesnt work for me. i am a neurotic runner, struggling with anxiety and a lot of other issues i am in therapy for. but if it is 110 degrees when i get up to go run, i am not gonne wear something that leaves me overheated and more weak than i would in cooler clothing. it will make me run less far and then restrict my food intake. so while i am personally working on that, it is part of my journey to wellness. maybe one day i will be able to wake up and say “110 degrees? im staying !” but until then, my stomach sometimes shows when i do a cartwheel with my clients. and men see more than stomachs as they walk through the mall.
we dont cover up because the body is bad, in a perfect world wed be naked in the garden! its about how men are affected, and we need to counteract that affect with a culture shift. we need to educate them on self restraint and controlling lust and the goodness of the body and the purpose of sex.
This weekend I got an advertising circular in the newspaper and noticed the bikinis and undergarments looked very much alike. I pointed it out to my husband who agreed completely. It’s funny how these same girls, if caught in their undergarments would quickly yell, “Don’t look at me! I’m not dressed!!” But being in a bikini is “no big deal.” Please, girls, respect yourself.
Gotta advertise
a-frigging-men
really?
last paragraph, #2
LMFAO
LandsEnd is a great resource for beautiful and appropriate one-piece swimwear for ladies. I highly enourage you to check it out Girls!!!!!
oh. please.
People see you every single day, how is FB any different? People looking at you is not a creepy thing. Especially since at that age, you’re wired to want to show off your body and sexuality.
There’s nothing wrong with wearing a bikini.
Now, if you’re going to wear the bikini, whilst drunk, groping people and flashing, then perhaps THAT’s a reason not to post the picture.
But not simply because you’re wearing a bikini.
I can’t applaud a return to Puritanism. Oh, and BTW? I’m 50.
..may I ask: are you Catholic or religious in any way?
why does that matter? Wearing a bikini has nothing to do with faith.
Ok, but this post was written primarily about the bikini as it relates to the occasion of sin. If you’re not religious and/or you don’t believe in sin, then you will understandably be frustrated with the thoughts posted in this blog (though you can hardly blame the author –it’s a blog for young catholics!)
I am one of those Catholic girls that is EXTREMELY devout, and live my
life for God…. But I wear bikinis. And honestly, I love bikinis! I
went through a phase where I was very uncomfortable with my body, so I
would always cover myself up. I eventually transitioned out of that
phase (thank goodness!!) and love my body! I want you to know that women
dont JUST wear bikinis because they want guys attentions. After I
recovered from anorexia, and I regained enough weight, I switched to a
bikini because every time I put it on, its a little reminder that I
overcame a huge obstacle and I WORKED to get the body I have now!
It
makes me feel proud and happy, and I am not planning on switching back
to a one piece with will remind me of the days when I hated everything
about my body.
If guys dont want to look, they can turn around. I wear a bikini for ME!
Hey,
First of all, congrats on and Praise God for your amazing recovery! That is incredible.
I just would like to say that a lot of women choose swimsuits with more coverage, not because they are ashamed of their bodies but because they recognize the great beauty in it. I completely respect your decision and don’t fault you for it. But just like I don’t assume that women who wear bikinis are doing to to show off for men (I’ve never once said that), I just don’t want you to assume that everyone who chooses to cover up a little more is ashamed of their body (trust me, I look dang good in a bikini! 😛 I just don’t wear them 🙂 )
The title of this article should be “men cannot be trusted,” essentially dehumanizing an entire gender. Beauty can be seen in the figure and form of nude people (think Michaelangelo). Is physical beauty a sin? If so, it’s a pretty cruel world out there. Do not hold yourself responsible for that which you cannot control. In the same way we don’t blame victims of rape, we don’t blame beautiful people for other people’s sexual appetite.
No, physical beauty is not a sin, the body IS beautiful. there are some things you can control…don’t you agree that there is a difference between Michaelangelos nudes and porn?
Don’t you agree that there is a difference between a picture of friends hanging out at the beach and porn?
Naive is assuming that a good guy is going to actively remove your bikini pictures from his newsfeed.
I guess I don’t know that I qualify as a good guy, but I’ve dropped lots of girls from my feeds because of things like this. (and some guys for slightly different reasons)
i totally agree with Nope. Smottens is the only person ive heard of who has done that. why look at a pic of a chick in a bikini when porn is free? im a catholic with only non practicing friends and these girls probably dont think twice when they put on a bikini. it’s just second nature for them. i think that we can see the beauty of woman when she wears a bikini. it’s all in the heart. but yep u cant delete girls’ pics because they wear bikinis, it’s just too ho-hum.
Well Red, you can make it two people. I’ve done that as well. Not all of us are sex crazed men who can’t help ourselves. We all have urges and such and avoiding the near occasion of sin is always a good idea.
If a friend is showing too much skin, I’ll probably take a moment in awe to acknowledge that they are beautiful, but you can bet I’ll remove it from my news feed so I’m not tempted to stare at it or scroll down to it again.
seems like you are a sex-crazed man since you have to go as ridiculously far as to delete the picture to ensure that you aren’t “tempted.” there are religious men who i have some respect for who see a girl in a bikini picture and don’t react too strongly one way or another. please don’t for a minute think you belong in that category. your post clearly reads – “i have a problem, and i’m only lying to myself.”
AfroSam, you’re not a sex-crazed man. You’re a man who recognizes his human weaknesses and the reverence due to a woman.
Connor, why is it considered a problem for a man to see a woman in a bikini and be attracted to it? I think that is completely natural. What goes too far is to lust after it–but we are fallen individuals who are prone to lust if not kept in check. So one of two things is happening with the religious men whom you respect:
1) These are just happen-stance occasions of coming across pictures of women who happen to be in bikinis, and they (and you–and AfroSam for that matter) have trained themselves and aren’t really looking all that closely so as not to be tempted to lust (and bonus–there’s another guy in the room [you], and so it’s easier for them not to oogle because they’re not going to be “that guy”)
2) they’re seeking out pictures of women in bikinis with you for whatever strange women and aren’t all that fantastic of examples of religious men
(you didn’t give a whole lot of info on why you saw pictures of women in bikinis with these men, so I’m not sure if it was intentional or just happen-stance. Not accusing you of anything, just trying to get a point across).
Either way, you have no idea if these religious men whom you respect would do the exact same thing that AfroSam did if they came across a picture of a women in too little clothing on their own. All AfroSam essentially said was, “when I see a picture of a woman in a bikini, I don’t stare at it”
Clearly, a sex-crazed monster.
Um, Mary…You just called him a sex crazed monster and you don’t even know this person. I have a real problem with that and luckily for me, I have God on my side, because in Matthew 7 he states
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Whoever wrote this is a brainwashed zealot. God is dead.
i gotta joke. wut does it say on Nietzsche’s tombstone? “‘Nietzsche is dead’ -God”
Hi Mary! (:
What a wonderful post, ripe with honesty, truth, and boldness. I haven’t bothered to read the other comments, but do not be discouraged by any negativity.
I am currently reading a book called, Christian Modesty and The Public Undressing of America, by Jeff Pollard.
I read your blog post a few hours ago, and read this in the book a few minutes ago:
“Here’s what the dichotomy produces: men and women who would never dream of walking out the front door in their undergarments will parade their nearly naked bodies publicly in swimwear. How many of you ladies would stand in your front yard in only your half-slip and bra? Have you considered that they probably cover more than what you wear on the beach?”
It made me think of your post again.
The book is very sobering. I have not finished it yet, but highly recommend it. It is very short, about 75 pages. I think you would really like it. It talks about the swimsuit as the mode of the decline of modesty, and its purposefulness. The beginning opens with biblically modesty (I know, crazy thought, but the bible DOES talk about it!)
In Christ,
Leah
Hi Leah
I just wanted t comment on a statement you made regarding the swimsuit as a decline of modesty, but I think that is a very extreme view.
We were made in God’s image and likeness, which bodies that should be valued and cherished not objectified. We look at classic Catholic works of art and see the nakedness of man, and accept is as art not porn.
Here is a GREAT quote by the Bad Catholic:
“Blessed John Paul II – a boss in all respects – when asked for a
solution to the crisis of pornography, did something fantastic:
He commissioned artists to create and display more art of the Virgin
Mary, especially of the Virgin breastfeeding. His answer to the problem
of porn was not the lack of nudity – it was nudity. It was not to simply
avoid pornography, to tiptoe around it and run whenever it reared its
head (though for many of us men, this is the best response) – it was to
crush “writing about harlots” by “writing about virgins.” To check vice
with virtue, yes, but even more than that. Pornography is to be
destroyed by beauty.”
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/badcatholic/2011/10/the-best-porn-in-the-world.html
The problem with our culture isnt the fact that people parade around the beach in what would be considered less than their underwear, the problem is our culture’s obsession with objectifying. And JPII was brilliant to see that we need to reframe our view of the naked form. It was made, like all of God’s creation, good. It is not to be lusted over, and answering the problem with lust and prevision with virtue is a total stroke of genius.
Bathing suits are not the problem, our culture is. The way men have been taught the lust after women and treat them like objects, the way that women have been conditioned to disregard their virtue in order to be “loved.” So not posting pitures of ourselves in bikinis -or wearing modern swimsuits at all- is not the solution.
The solution is to fight the culture and spread the truth about what the human form is made for. Yes the public undressing of America is the problem, but dressing ourselves wit high collars and ankle lengths hems will not change that -men and women will still find a way to degrade the body and objectify what God created. We must get to the root of the problem.
I know you said you didn’t read other comments because of the negativity, but I hope you see this isn’t meant as something negative but just another point of view.
The debate of bikini vs one piece vs victorian swimwear isnt black and white or defined in dogma, but the Church is still answering our questions if we look to Her.
I disagree. The bathingsuit is the problem and so is the cultural mentality that glorifies it. Too much revealed is too much revealed, and too much focus on too much revealed is an expected consequence. And it is up to women to set the standard for modesty in dress. It is not so difficult, the problem is that on a primal level women crave the power they think they can gain over others when they can make themselves the center of attention by their appearance or behavior.
At its worst its about power with women- women draw their security from commitment. Commitment ideally creates a safe haven for self-donation and women at their best are naturally hard-wired for self- donation. Men are also hardwired for self-donation, but in an exterior way- by provision and protection- heroic self-sacrifice. But in their case the tragic defect is in the disordered default to self-preservation.
So you have men trying to take for themselves without provision or self sacrifice- (without giving anything of themselves), or to use another term- victimizing; and women respond by manipulating the scenario to their end in attempt to recover power- or to assert power.
So the cure or a start of the cure is not comparing cultural norms because they are like comparing apples and oranges- I really have no idea how women are respected in half-naked primitive tribal cultures, where men have to spend a major amount of time and energy actually physically exerting themselves to an extreme to find food and protection. I don’t think there is an answer there.
The answer for us is with us, right here right now. And it has to do with love. If I love a person, I am going to try to be a blessing to him or her-according the the highest order possible. So, instead of wearing a bikini or a ‘hey look at my pickabodyparttofocuson outfit or swimsuit’, I am going to try to find a fashion that works the whole person aspect of who I am- and in my case, get ok with the fact that it won’t set me center stage, but I might still have an impact where and how I am intended in the totality of what I am bringing to the table as me. It should actually be freeing.
Cultures where people walk around entirely naked struggle less with lust than american men. Changing my swimsuit does not chane the porn industry in Hollywood or the way our politicians and role models preach sexual promiscuity without reprecussions.
If you love somebody and want to be a blessing to them, try to be their brother or sister in christ. value them and love them and don’t reduce them to a body part. but covering my stomach is not going to change that.
Yes, changing your swimsuit will not suddenly cause the porn industry to end, but don’t we have to start somewhere?
And yes, the problem with the culture is the objectification of the body, which, yes, can be done on the beach or by posting pictures of yourself, so then, why continue to participate in it?
We must reclaim the body for what it truly is, and I do not believe showing cleavage or your body to feel beautiful will do that…we are each worth so much more than that
The most eloquent and articulate expression of the true reason for modesty I have ever read. Thanks Jo. Our sexuality was given to us as a pleasure to be given in honor, privacy and intimacy within a committed relationship , as is our showing of private parts. This goes for both men and women.
Our sexual desire placed, and directed towards our life time partner by conscious choice, is a gift we give each other. Men are not more interested in sex than woman. This is not the point. Mutual giving fully in private, exempts us from displaying our intimate parts superficially to all.
Modesty in public, is a way of keeping the very precious , pleasurable and treasured parts for our spouse, and for God.
This is not about men vs. women. And not just about bikinis. How you present yourself reflects so many things. We are giving messages to others when we choose clothing.
I also have unfriended men and women on fb when they seem to be obsessed with the flesh in whatever form. I protect my mind and heart from things I don’t want my mind to dwell on.
Thank you for sharing from your brilliant mind, Jo.
“The solution is to fight the culture and spread the truth about what the
human form is made for. Yes the public undressing of America is the
problem, but dressing ourselves wit high collars and ankle lengths hems
will not change that -men and women will still find a way to degrade the
body and objectify what God created. We must get to the root of the
problem.”
I completely disagree, if both men and women dressed more modestly then it definitely would curve the inclinations of people to sin. I
Is it the only root of the problem? No, but it would certainly help prevent sin and endanger souls.
You should read what the Catechism teaches on modesty here:http://old.usccb.org/catechism/text/pt3sect2chpt2art9.shtml
Specifically, 2521-2524
” It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden.” The pope never told me to hide my belly button, last I checked.
“The forms taken by modesty vary from one culture to another.” Yes, it does. And as far as our culture is concerned, bikinis are the least of our problem.
Throughout history lust has been a problem. Again I refer to JPII’s commissioning of artists to draw our Lady breast feeding. It is not about “covering” our shame.
There is no dress code set out by the church. And women should do their best to dress modestly. But making a blanket statement that a bikini is immodest is not the answer.
I have to say a believe you are misinformed if you thinking changing up the fashion trend will buck the problem. We are concupiscent. We have an inclination to sin. There will always be the problem of lust.
We march through the streets of washington DC to fight for baby’s lives -we are trying to change the problem, we are trying to spread truth. Just as beauty and fashion trends change, so will the things we find lust provoking. But shaming women certainly doesnt gain you any grace.
You forgot to mention that weird guy from Italy you are friends with to play farmville 😉
Guys would work completely
naked in the bible including in the new testament. The third time Jesus
was seen after he rose from the dead as a zombie, Peter was completely
naked on a boat trying to catch fish with his friends.
and that was all after the fall! wonder if maybe there is some other reason we seem to be the one of the only cultures really struggling with this
Good job Mary!
Oh my gosh, this is awesome!!! Thank you for writing this. I think more ladies need to hear this message. And I do think these are all reasons for not wearing bikinis at all – the same rules apply in real life for this as on Facebook. You wouldn’t walk around in your underwear and bra, so don’t walk around in a bikini. You are worth SO much more than what your body looks like.
I am one of those Catholic girls that is EXTREMELY devout, and live my
life for God…. But I wear bikinis. And honestly, I love bikinis! I
went through a phase where I was very uncomfortable with my body, so I
would always cover myself up. I eventually transitioned out of that
phase (thank goodness!!) and love my body! I want you to know that women
dont JUST wear bikinis because they want guys attentions. After I
recovered from anorexia, and I regained enough weight, I switched to a
bikini because every time I put it on, its a little reminder that I
overcame a huge obstacle and I WORKED to get the body I have now!
It
makes me feel proud and happy, and I am not planning on switching back
to a one piece with will remind me of the days when I hated everything
about my body.
If guys dont want to look, they can turn around. I wear a bikini for ME!
Stupid religion is stupid.
i agree totally… oh wait… wut u just said made no sense… nvm
I respectfully disagree with some of the comments below. You’re right – each person needs to be concerned about his or her own sin and temptations. If a man is led to sin, it should be his responsibility to remove himself from the near occasion of sin.
But what ever happened to being your brother’s keeper?
As I was reading the comments on the article I was disgusted by the lack of love for the posters’ brothers in Christ.
Yes. You are right. A man should not have to rely on women to keep him out of sin, and women should not be responsible for keeping a man out of sin.
At the same time, however, we are all responsible for one another. Those who advocate for social justice will tell you til they’re blue in the face that those who are given more are responsible for those who are given less. Apply that to the spiritual, and you see that it is an act of love, and not repression, for a woman to cover her body. After all, if a man – because of the culture, his family and friends, attacks from the devil, and yes, his own weakness – is prone to sin and thus in danger of rupture in relationship with God, the merciful and loving thing for a woman to do is to help him to overcome that evil.
One point you made that was dead on is that women can be affected by men in a similar way. When a woman is particularly habitual in a particular sin, absolutely, he has a responsibility in the same way that a woman has a responsibility to love and respect that woman by doing what he can to keep her away from the near occasion of sin. If he does not do what he can to protect her but instead chooses to allow her to fall into temptation for his own gratification or whatever, he is not loving her. He is not protecting her. He is not respecting her dignity.
“God has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman.” – Blessed John Paul the Great
Thank you, Mary, for your beautiful witness to love and dignity. If everyone had the respect for virtue that you have, our society would be a much more glorious one.
AMDG,
Sam
I feel that this line of thought falls victim to the idea that has been so ingrained in many of women of faith, so much so that those women now struggle with not feeling feminine or beautiful because they have heard talks and read enough about “modesty” that anything feminine, showing their shoulders and wearing make up, not makes a woman fear for her brother’s soul. That is an extreme that unfortunately takes place on the internet, at talks at Catholic colleges and in churches, and it brings women shame.
We are all responsible to each other, but we are also supposed to call each other on.
My prime example is that I love wine. I do not drink or talk about drinking in front of my friends who are in AA. I do not offer them drinks. Do I stop hosting wine nights for the fear that a friend may be a closet alcoholic and give into the temptation?
We hold each other accountable. We say “I love a good glass of wine as much as the next guy, but I notice that when you drink my friend, you make poor decisions and get drunk and alienate yourself and make dangerous decisions.”
If a man is lead to sin because of a bikini, he can avoid FB. He can block me. He can avoid the beach. He can take responsibility. Yeas, walking around with barely your nipples covered and a thong bottom is probably immodest. But a full coverage bikini, a one piece, even a wet suit can still cause an occasion for sin.
Just as a nice pedicure or a pair of running pants. We can be considerate and loving towards our brothers in christ, we can go out of our way to be virtuous, we can call them on when they are slacking. But JPII never gave us a dress code for the beach -he never said -this one piece and not that two piece. Throughout many different cultures, many aspects of the body as considered taboo and sin inducing. And women react accordingly. But where does one draw the line, when non of my actions will never cause anyone sin ever? Impossible.
Some men are aroused by the simple act of eating ice cream. Do you never go out for ice cream? It is time men step up. At conferences men are told to avoid lust and women are told not to make them lust. But we are created in God’s image and likeness, we were made good. That goodness has been distorted and now causes sin, but we are called to turn that around. Not to wear bags over our heads and long shapeless cassocks, but to get to the root of the problem -the way of thinking.
One can have respect for virtue and wear a bikini. The same “modest” one piece on a size 5, B cup wearing woman will be much more likely to cause lust when a woman who is very well endowed puts it on. If a woman cannot find a swimsuit that makes her feel beautiful just because the ones that do make her look “attractive” in her eyes show some cleavage, does she have to throw on a t shirt and feel like a beached whale and feel shame about her body?
There are a lot of implications in the simple statement “4 reasons not to post your bikini pics on FB.” A lot that maybe men do not understand.
Take our word for it, faithful catholic women have heard over and over and over and OVER how we are supposed to watch our modesty for the sake of our brothers. So much so that some women have been hurt, and hurt others. There is no lack of trying or understanding about the bottom line. But I think men need to start learning how their lust is affecting the women who are trying desperately to help. It’s like being the wife of an alcoholic. You try and try, but your husbands addiciton will still hurt you despite your desperation to help. That doesn’t mean not to try, but it means to back off of accusing women of not caring about protecting their brothers in Christ.
Look at the way a woman’s image is attacked daily. Look at how they suffer -self esteem, eating disorders, depression. ALl because of the pressure of the media and the “ideal” bodu. Many of those women are now feeling pressure from the other side to conform to another idea, only with even greater implictions because it affects their brothers in Christ. I think there should be a more sympathetic ear to what this idea of basically banishing one article of clothing implies.
You mention putting on a t-shirt over your swimsuit as a shameful thing for women, but I would have to disagree. I always wear a t-shirt and skirt over my swimsuit as do several of my friends. I have gotten many compliments on how beautiful my swimwear is when you can’t even see my actual swimsuit because it is covered up. Also, most of the guys I know also wear t-shirts when they are swimming to be more modest. There are several stores that sell t-shirts made of swimsuit material so it still dries quickly and you can get one to match the shorts/skirt that are usually attached to the bottom of swimsuits.
i am so glad that it works for you, but mostly i would say that women who feel forced to wear a t shirt may feel alienated because the people around them with smaller breasts do not have to wear one.
modest bikinis look great on someone in an a cup, but to put restrictions on what can be worn on the beach can alienate people. i too have worn a t shirt to cover up, and i felt sad and ashamed and less attractive because i wore it to hide my body. im sure not all women think that way, i should not have generalized.
I gotta say, I don’t think the alcoholic analogy follows. You’re comparing something legitimate (drinking wine, although some people struggle with it) to something illegitimate (recklessly showcasing the body without proper discretion–which IS beautiful and created good, but we are fallen individuals with concupiscence).
Let’s put aside the outlandish examples of men beng aroused by eating ice cream or seeing pretty painted toenails, etc. and just talk biology. Our bodies are naturally created to be attractive and, yes–to stimulate a response out of men. Quite frankly, it’s sad to me that men in other parts of the world have lost that, as you point out. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that men see women in certain clothes and get excited–because God created it that way. But because of the Fall, our desires are disordered, and need to be trained.
We can’t rid ourselves of concupiscence (and we can’t expect men to be rid of concupiscence either). I think you’re being a little too hard on men by acting like they aren’t even trying to understand how their lust affects us as women. Many of them are. But what about us? Put aside covering up to help out the men we care about. Do we recognize what a beautiful gift we have in our body? That’s why I don’t think it’s repressive or shameful to suggest that women cover up. We don’t cover up because we’re ashamed or because we think our bodies are bad. We cover up because we recognize they are good and beautiful, and deserve reverence.
I don’t mean to attack my sisters with this idea in any way, shape, or form. I know all too well the feeling of being judged or looked at as “not being modest enough” by other women. And I didn’t stop wearing my bikini to please them. I stopped because I felt convicted by God through my own reason and experience. These posts are just a way to share those reasons and experiences, and I respect those who disagree. It has to come from God, not me.
” You’re comparing something legitimate (drinking wine, although some people struggle with it) to something illegitimate (recklessly showcasing the body without proper discretion–which IS beautiful and created good, but we are fallen individuals with concupiscence). ”
What makes drinking alcohol legitimate while wearing a bikini is illegitimate? Alcohol is not a natural substance to the body and does create changes in the body, even if the changes are temorary. Alcohol is a depressant/downer. We are born naked, we choose to cover our nudity. Not wearing clothing is far more natural a state of being than being clothed.
They arent outlandish examples though. As someone with a very large circle of male friends, I am disturbed and frankly uncomfortable with the amount of foot fetish coming into conversation these days, which makes me think back to posting my cute polka dot manicure on facebook. but it is on him to avoid the tempation to get carried away with my toes because we have to be reasonable -if we need to avoid all occasions of sin then to be honest, we need to get rid of facebook in general. if there is one thing i am learning in my sex therapy class, there is a fetish for everything -and too many ways to cause others to stumble.
and it isnt sad that men in other cultures have lost this attraction to women, because i dont think that is the case. it isnt that men dont find women attractive, its that they are free from the western attitude we have.
without consupiscence, we would be frolicking free from fig leaves in the garden and our husbands would still cherish us in the bedroom. but we would be naked without knowing or shame.
we have knowledge and shame, and im not advocating for donning fig leaves on your next vacation. but giving up my two piece isnt the answer -i firmly believe we need to reframe the way secular men and catholic men alike view the female body. i dont think the answer is in wearing a bathing suit that is slightly less immodest (someone made the point earlier, a skin tight suit that shows your upper thighs is for the most part pretty lust provoking too, as opposed to the bikini that shows my rolls and whatever else may be there). the answer lies in teaching men about the beauty and goodness of the body and what its purpose is. they should look at a woman in a bikini and think “gosh, what a wonder it is that god made women so beautiful, and how that woman will someday be a living tabernacle of sorts, growing life inside her!” not “dang shorty.” but it starts with a revolution in attitude.
There are physically attractive bikinis, but no modest ones. One-pieces are better, but often don’t cover much more than bikinis. Both are form-fitting in the extreme, leaving practically no need for imagination; in fact, the only thing which needs to be changed is the coloring, and you have a fully nude female body.
Women who blame *only* men or society for the problem are, frankly, being foolish. Take a bit of responsibility for how you present yourself! Men and women are programmed differently (on purpose), and men have historically had a more difficult time avoiding lust spurred by visual means than women.
Take the Victorian era example posed by some. If men can get excited by the skin of the ankle, how much more so the skin of 2/3 to 3/4 of a woman’s body! On top of this, in this more highly-sexualized modern culture, imagine how much harder is it for a man to see a woman wearing the equivalent of only underwear and avoid lust? It’s not about fetishes, it’s about concupiscence.
We live in this culture whether we like it or not, so we should dress in a way which addresses the weaknesses of the culture. Most people dress immodestly? We should dress *very* modestly. Most people look at porn? We should fight to end porn. Most people gossip, rationalize, steal, get drunk, etc… we should be fighting against these things, not spouting the cop-out that we can’t control people, so we aren’t going to live differently. How in the world do you think culture will change if we don’t live radically counter-cultural lives?
Men need help just like women do. Each group needs help in different areas. A man who refuses to change his behavior around or towards women (i.e., crude jokes demeaning/objectifying women, pursuing the attentions of women without sincere intentions, etc.) is not much of a man, and should absolutely change his behavior. He should live as a hero of virtue, providing an example to his fellow men (and to women, although in a different way). Anyone who lets men off the hook because “they just can’t control themselves” is doing them just as much harm as those who refuse to procure/practice a proper sense of modesty because “men are going to lust after me anyway, in this culture.”
Women need to live lives of heroic virtue in equal measure, although their heroism will manifest itself differently. I want to emphasize that modesty is not simply what we wear (or fail to wear), but a disposition which affects every aspect of our lives. Here is a quote from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
“Purity requires modesty, an integral part of temperance. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden. It is ordered to chastity to whose sensitivity it bears witness. It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity” (CCC 2521).
For more on modesty, see the following paragraphs in the CCC.So my primary point is that we must all, whether women or men, live modest lives. Modest for men is different than it is for women, just as modesty manifests itself differently across cultures (CCC 2524). If you want to be able to wear bikinis without leading men into sin, move to an area with a different culture. If you don’t want to move, face the fact that you live here and need to work with what you have.P.S. John Paul II’s point in his writings was that immodesty in general shows not too much, but too little of the person because it reduces a person to merely their body. He was writing about how we should combat concupiscence with prudence and wisdom, and he always met people where they were. Our warped culture is not ready to see women as persons instead of objects (not to say people within our culture are not ready). As long as this *culture* as a whole is deformed by immodesty of mind, heart, eye, etc… we must fight to bring modesty back, and we must do so from every possible angle.Does that mean that women shouldn’t wear underwe- I mean, bikinis in public? Yes. Should men stop making crude jokes and ogling women in person and online? Absolutely. Should we just accept that this is “just the way it is,” saying that “men just need to change?” Not a chance. Yes, men need to change their behavior and their way of thinking. So do women. See Romans 12: 1-21 for St. Paul’s thoughts on the “renewal of [the] mind.”
AMEN
Take responsibility for your act of being a male chauvinist and a sexist.
Way to assume I’m male. The whole point of writing it the way I wrote it was to avoid taking a side, calling both out for their failings.
In addition, look up the definition of chauvinism before you throw it out there. Here it is:
1. biased devotion to any group, attitude, or cause
2. the denigration, disparagement, and patronization of either sex based on the belief that one sex is inferior to the other and thus deserving of less than equal treatment or benefitI was making the point that women and men are equally valuable, and that both need to step up and take responsibility for their actions. Of course, since I am responding to someone who is attacking specifically the male gender, I addressed this attack. However, I also pointed out the failings of men and “called them out on it.”So anyone who reads what I wrote with honesty and intelligence will see that it is pretty even in its consideration of women’s and men’s duties.And no, I’m not going to tell you whether I’m female or male because, either way, you will find a way to disparage me based on my sex. How about focusing on the content of my post rather that my sex?Ah yes, and I’m married either way, so my spouse chipped in and gave me perspective on the other sex. Can say you had a fair and balanced POV?
U suck
why thank you 🙂
After reading these comments I think I’m going to go masturbate. Thanks guy.
We wouldn’t walk around in our bra and underwear or put a pic up of it but tell me what is the difference here?!?!? Modesty is one thing we can still controll!
There is more to beauty than your body. But your body’s still pretty darn beautiful 😉
No disagreement there. I just think it deserves a little more reverence and a little less showcasing to people who won’t necessarily treat it with the reverence it deserves.
get fucked mary
I love girls in their bikinis!
Mary,
This was a wonderfully articulated post. You did a beautiful job. I wish other women saw things as clearly as you do. Kudos on a great piece and kudos on being brave enough to leave comments open for all the crazies to post.
this is as stupid as the bible itself.
I challenge you to question your belief beyond a random book written by king james’ scribes.
You might be surprised by how much more complete you’ll feel not relying on satisfying fictional spirits and ghosts to find self-worth.
Or you could pretend that posting a bikini picture, taking a bold step forward in self image, is bad. Burkka’s are good too, right?
ITS ONLY BAD BECAUSE YOU TELL YOURSELF IT MUST BE.
or sorry, because some fable of king james’s court says it.. i’m not sure which is more pathetic..
Well for one, I’m not saying “it’s bad” and/or trying to shame anyone so they feel like a terrible person. Not once did I say that you’re unequivocally and absolutely sinning by putting up a bikini picture. I’m just saying that we should all use a little common sense with the pictures we post online. Again, most people who would post a bikini picture would never post a picture of themselves in their bra and underwear. I’m just recommending that people think a little.
As far as the King James “zings”, I don’t read the king James version (I’m Catholic, yo). And you should look into your history a little but because the Bible was around long before King James.
5. Because fuck a woman’s freedom to display her body.
Seriously, I see pictures of dudes flexing and shit wearing just boxers, which is LESS clothing than a bikini. No one gets mad about that. Double standard.
Why are humans so offended with their own anatomy? It’s ridiculous.
So, men and women are different. By and large, women just aren’t wired in the same way to get sexually excited off of a picture of a man with his shirt off in the same way men are. That’s why women read those cheesy romance novels. With men, it takes a picture; with women, it takes a lot of words. Just sayin’
And I’m not offended with my anatomy. I think my anatomy is fan-tastic. I just think it’s so great that it deserves a little respect and not to be shared with the whole world.
But you’re right. A woman has free will and can do whatever she wants with her body. But freedom to do whatever you please does not automatically mean that whatever you choose to go will be good, holy, or edifying. (Again, this is a Catholic blog for Catholic people, so I understand the frustration if you’re not at all interested or impressed with Catholic teaching.)
Unfortunately, this just demonstrates a very old and weak perspective of suppressing and ignoring women’s sexuality. Your assertion that women require “a lot of words” to get sexually excited whereas men require pictures is quite ignorant. Women’s sexuality is just as complex and real as men’s, and encouraging women to be modest but not holding men to the same idea IS a double standard. Furthermore, women are not responsible for the way men perceive their bodies. Just because a woman posts a picture of herself in a bikini does NOT give a man the right to objectify her. Sure, it’s a temptation, but it’s HIS responsibility to overcome it. This article is excusing men’s behavior by blaming it on women, when really, it is their fault if they objectify women.
Why does saying that men and women’s sexuality is different from one another automatically imply to you that I think women’s is less-complex than man’s? They are different. One is not more or less complex than the other.
You’re right. It doesn’t give the man the right to objectify her.
“They are different. One is not more or less complex than the other. ”
You…you have to be kidding me. You are basing your argument on nothing more than a stereotype. The argument also makes the assumption that once a male “objectifies”(I prefer the term admires) a female form then it’s impossible to see her as anything more. I would say that you have a poor understand of sexuality. You should do yourself a favor by reading some books about human sexuality.
I like the term “admires,” actually–but they mean different things. It’s one thing to admire and it’s another to objectify. One is healthy and the other goes too far. Sure, acknowledge that a woman is beautiful (because yeah, we are), but staring at a half-naked picture fantasizing about more goes beyond “admiring.” (And there have been plenty of comments on my post both here and where it has been shared elsewhere to indicate that that is exactly what some men are often inclined to do when presented with a picture of a good-looking woman in a bikini).
You are loosing sight of the fact that it’s totally possible for a guy to fantasize about a woman without pursuing her or changing his behavior toward her(you seem to almost have a high-school idea of men; infantile and patronizing). I know that you(and your religion) think fantasizing is morally-wrong, but my point is that “objectifying” doesn’t really go too far. A man who is mature and smart enough to separate fantasy from reality does no harm in using a random facebook woman to model for his imagination. No harm done in the real world.
Saying that there is no harm done in the real world is extremely incorrect. There is PLENTY of evidence to suggest that the way men and women speak to each other, look at each other, and communicate perpetuate and validate male dominance. Objectifying a woman — that is, seeing her as nothing more than a pretty face for your entertainment — DOES influence the way men and women interact in real life. I have to agree with Mary on this one — objectifying and admiring are different. Using a “random facebook woman to model for his imagination” IS necessarily detrimental to women’s progress.
I think you’re the one patronizing men by assuming that they cannot rise above their sexual feelings when in any kind of a relationship towards a woman. We have rationality for a reason.
why is talking about one issue making a double standard? this article was for women but it doesn’t necessarily mean the writer holds that double standard. The same standard should be held for men because women DO get interested etc. from pictures. But the responsibility should be held for BOTH parties, the women not to expose herself and the man not to degrade the women. Its not like someone can run around naked and claim its only the people who looks’ fault that they saw anything. Its the fault of both.
“The woman not to expose herself”
Why shouldn’t the woman not expose herself? Shouldn’t it be something along the lines of “both parties are recommended not expose themselves and both parties should not degrade each other regardless of exposure or not.”
It just sounds more fairer and less double standard like that way. Give both parties the ability to expose while being told to not degrade.
it is simply good to say to not expose yourselves as it is good to say ‘not to kill each other’ which is exactly what mostof the agendas of people a on this page, to tear down a persons image and kill their ideas if it opposes your own. We do have rules in society to protect each other from harm. That is what rules are for. To say for both human species to dress modestly is real freedom from the harm of being disrespected and for the freedom of being separated from those who do choice to kill or degrade each other and break the rules of respect. Who said Catholics are supressed sexually? You should read more on the Theology of the Body by the Pope John Paul II, Or on Natural Family Planning and learn about the beauty and living unselfesh love for a change too! http://www.amazon.ca/Theology-Body-Beginners-Christopher-West/dp/1932645349
Actually, it IS the other person’s responsibility not to objectify the exposed person. When one person does something to arouse another without the first person necessarily meaning to do so, it is called a perpetuating factor. Thus, when a woman/man posts a revealing picture, they are more likely to be objectified — but their objectification is not their fault, because nobody has the right to objectify anyone.
Actually your assertion is the ignorant one. The multi-billion dollar industries of romance novels and of pornography prove Mary’s point. The market for the novels is not men and women are not the fuel that drives the porn sales.
I feel like this may be, in part, due to the constraints of gender roles in a social setting. If a man sits and flicks through a dirty magazine, it’s standard laddish behaviour. If that same porn mag happened to belong to a woman, on the other hand, it might be perceived as creepy and weird, and would somehow be far more dirty than if it were in her male counterpart’s possession.
If the steamy bodice-ripper novels have come to be accepted as the female equivalent of the lad’s mag, only to be met with a rolling of the eyes rather than any serious negative connotations, then it makes sense that the majority of women would rather perpetuate that stereotype than challenge it and be shamed by society in the process. Besides which, we’re on the internet and free smut is plentiful. I get the feeling that the abundance of free pornography and the relatively recent emergence of more female viewers (who can hide behind a veil of anonymity) are a little more than just a happy coincidence.
You’ve gotta be kidding me. Selling sexually explicit visual images of women to men has gone back for millennia in all sorts of cultures. The contrary has not been true. You are ignoring a reality of life that can only be missed if you let yourself be blinded by modern academia’s obsession with “new truth” (ideas that shatter traditional views). You are blinded, indeed.
um… they only had paintings millenia ago and those weren’t things that people sold as pornagraphy… so your premise is a bit faulty.
Nope. This statement is another stereotype based on a misconception. The porn industry is lately experiencing an increase in female audiences, which have even lead to the creation of female-oriented porn genres. It is an obvious development to any casual porn viewer who has noticed that many porn sites include a “female-friendly” category. Women(who aren’t sexually-repressed) do enjoy porn, but the vast majority of it is male-sexuality-centric. Here is an article about this recent phenomenon:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/22/porn-women
Wait, I’m sexually repressed because I don’t enjoy porn? Ouch. Aren’t I allowed to choose not to fill my mind with disgusting, unrealistic situations that will mar my view on sex and relationships? Hmm, apparently I’m not free to make that ‘choice’!
Secondly you’re making the same mistake as many people did in the sixties and continue to do so now – that freedom for women involves contraception and miniskirts. Not true. Take contraception. Instead of freeing a woman, it makes her into a guy’s slave in effect, because he doesn’t have to worry about getting her pregnant and all he has to care about is having a good time. It leaves him free to treat her as a piece of meat. Not a great mentality to base a relationship on!
You sound really, really crazy if you think that contraception is just another way to objectify women. Just because a woman makes the choice to take birth control or use condoms doesn’t mean she is doing this to allow men to take advantage of her. Give women a little credit here! That entire statement you made about contraception sounds like it was ripped off from some paranoid, fear-based sermon upon which you have undoubtedly based all of your opinions. By the way, I am a married woman in my mid-twenties with a child who uses oral contraception for hormone-replacement. Of course since your opinion of contraception seems to be an “all or nothing” response, I’m sure you think it would be better I pray for my ovarian cysts to go away.
Contraception is a way to deny the woman love as she is, you basically drug her up, mess up her natural body cycles just that you can pound her anytime you feel like.. and before doing it, you get into her head so that she is ok with it.
Or contraception is a way for a woman to control a bodily problem that is causing her a lot of pain, and also gives her the same freedom as a manto be sexually active and not have to worry about repercussions that could take her away from present goals. Contraception is a movement in the right direction for woman and you are one of the imbeciles that hold women backfromit.
Catholics do not agree with contraception because it distorts the meaning of love and the purpose of sex. Love is not sex; love is self-sacrifice and charity. And the purpose of sex is self-evident: reproduction, as well as the bonding of two people in an unbreakable relationship. People nowadays just give their whole body to whoever they “love” and whoever they think “loves” them, whereas in the result is a world full of broken relationships.
And on another note, the birth control pill is extremely dangerous. I think there may be a link between infertility and the widespread use of contraception.
Ummm… yeah… until she gets AIDS or herpes or some other disease? I’m not Catholic, I don’t use birth control and I don’t get pregnant because I listen to my BODY. Gasp!! Yep, I actually use my BRAIN — not a drug — to keep me from getting pregnant. Then there are condoms. There are other ways to avoid pregnancy than taking something that will mess you up for years to come. Unfortunately you and many other women have become the patsies for Big Pharma. What a shame. So many women brainwashed into thinking if they don’t take ‘the pill’ they’ll get pregnant. Yeah, God forbid we do things the way He designed — and let me tell you ladies — the way God designed it? It’s FUN!!! I don’t worry about pregnancy. I don’t worry about diseases. I don’t have to worry about messing up my body. I have a husband, we enjoy our wonderful times together (often!!!) and the ONE child we have? We planned for her!! Not sure who told young women (and why they choose to believe it) that various sexual partners with no commitment is “fun”? How many times have any of you cried from a broken heart? Was that “fun”? Nope… never fun. But hey, you have to do things YOUR way. God’s not the oppressive one! The people who sin and try to pass it off to the unsuspecting are the oppressors of women!
The sole purpose any woman would post a picture of herself in a sexy swimsuit for all to see is precisely so that the guys will objectify her, or do you imagine she thinks the guys will say “ooh, I really love her…….uh……..ears”. Analogy: If you know someone with a sweet tooth who is struggling to lose weight, is it kind or considerate to place a plate of delicious pastries before their eyes? Or how about puffing away in the presence of a friend who is trying to quit smoking? You cannot put the blame on the tempted only, both play a part.
On the contrary, her argument is about chastity and purity, not sexuality and the mechanisms that go into it. You lack a basic understanding of Christian moral teachings on sexuality and sin, which is necessary to engage in this conversation.
True enough, but at the same time, posting pictures of their nice bodies give guys the OPPORTUNITY to objectify them. 🙂
I fully support what is written in this article but I also support what freethinker is saying.
I personally think men should be held to the same standards, where I live the slightest glimmer of sun and men are wandering around topless, if a woman were to do the same it would be deemed inappropriate even by secular standards.
The second point, I also agree, men are the ones responsible for their reactions, a photo of a bikini on facebook does not give a man the right to objectify her in the same way as a woman out in a tight skirt does not give a man a license to behave in an inappropriate way toward her and it’s important that that responsibility is acknowledged and stated. But as Mary said the “good guys” would hide the photos anyway.
I think in general our culture has lost respect and perspective of who we are as men and women, to be a woman is to be a sex object and to be a man is to be aggressive and powerful – is this who we want to be? I know I don’t. We have a responsibility, as women, to behave in a manner which elicits respect for women as do men. The responsibility, to an extent, cuts both ways.
False, it’s not suppressing when a woman chooses not to reveal herself publicly. It’s called modesty, and giving her all only to her partner. That’s a novel concept in our culture, though. It’s a woman’s responsibility AND a man’s. If it were only on one or the other, it would be a double standard.
What a STUPID comment! We, as women, speak to other women. Some of us have been around the block a time or two and TRULY understand the score. Men are built a certain way – and trying to deny that is ridiculous. They ARE visually stimulated and if you don’t get that? Then YOU are a moron!! Young girls need to know the truth and this girl said it like it was. No one excuses men’s behavior.. this wasn’t an all-inclusive book — it was an article which told the truth. Don’t shake your boobies out there, leave your shirt unbuttoned down to your navel and expect guys will look away!! This article is teaching young girls to RESPECT THEMSELVES. It should make them THINK. Some of you could learn a thing or two… you’ve become so ‘open minded’ that your brains have fallen out! This article isn’t about the ‘men’. Let the men deal with the men. We live in a world that isn’t nice to naive — or idealistic — women who want to sit around and screech about their ‘rights’ while flaunting nearly every square inch of their bodies. In an ideal society, sure you could wear whatever you wanted. But in the actual society? We have perverts and psychopaths looking at our daughters… even when they are fully clothed. If you want to fault this young ladies note – then YOU are the one with the problem.
A woman can do whatever she wants with her body? Dont hear you preaching THAT outside abortion clinics…
Well the loophole would be that it isn’t her just her body, but also the body of a child. Now that obviously makes very little sense from a scientific perspective, however it seems a lot of American theists believe that.
In any case it seems like an odd thing to say the given that the bible lists a whole bunch of acts that are prohibited (many specific to women).
It makes very little sense from a scientific perspective to say that an abortion effects the body of the unborn fetus as well as that of the mother? How so?
From my understanding of fetal development, the body of the unborn child most certainly is distinct from the mother’s. That is why placental blood flow is such a critical area in regards to fetal development- if something goes wrong there and the two bodies and their separate circulatory systems are not kept distinct, it can be remarkably dangerous for the child, as well as the mother. For instance, Rh sensitization.
To claim that the abortion procedure only effects the mother’s body, and so is of no concern to anyone else, the child in utero, the father, etc., is unfounded and perhaps the worst argument to use when trying to justify abortion.
What she means by saying “A woman can do whatever she wants with her body” is that God has gives us, “Free-Will”. God gives us the Free-Will to do whatever we wish. He has NEVER forced anyone to do anything by obligation. BUT as faithful Christian’s we also have the free will to be responsible by helping guide others to the beauty of the our Lord’s teachings regarding pro-life and the dignity every human life has to be born.
Mary lane, I think this blog post was GREAT advise for young catholics ladies who are working towards holiness. Thanks for posting this Blog. You are very wise for your age and God has indeed given you this wisdom. God Bless You.
Amen Jennifer!! I’m a teenager girl and I agree with you 100%;)
Actually, there are plenty of women who enjoy pictures, and men who enjoy erotic fiction. You have a somewhat dim view of sexuality.
Which is why I said “by and large”. Obviously there are exceptions. The point is that men and women are different.
“By and large, women just aren’t wired in the same way to get sexually excited off of a picture of a man with his shirt off in the same way men are.”
You don’t know many sexually liberated women, I guess.
The only difference between men and women’s sexuality is societal. Because of people like you enforcing rules and regulations on when and where a woman can show off her body.
Everything is only societal until you realize we are prewiref and have to work within that. So many theories; so little fact these days and the length of hman life doesn’t help us see this. We thinklife is all new for us to change and discover but we’re the same at our cores morally as those before us. There is nothing new under the sun. Just a new generation being taught about life by the previous generation and then working within that. So important we teach the trith because it will set us free and save a lot of wasted time and energy on how to live a productive life.
“By and large, women just aren’t wired in the same way to get sexually excited off of a picture of a man with his shirt off in the same way men are. ”
Playgirl magazine makes over $4 million dollars per year. Only about 30% of their readers are homosexual males. 70% are heterosexual females. If women are wired differently, how do you account for this?
Quick question, have you compared that to Playboy magazine?
”
By and large, women just aren’t wired in the same way to get sexually excited off of a picture of a man with his shirt off in the same way men are. ”
This is bs. I get excited when a guy I’m interested in just TOUCHES me (say on my hand, back, etc). And when I see him in his boxers, swim trunks, I lust after him and imagine whats down south.
I’m sick of hearing that females don’t think like men do, sure, not all females are visual like men, but the majority actually are.
Can I just say I’m a girl and get excited by mere pictures? Just wanna toss myself into this.
“By and large, women just aren’t wired in the same way to get sexually excited off of a picture of a man with his shirt off in the same way men are.” Really??? Are you serious??? That’s very outdated thinking and quite erronious.
Also, please watch your language
Pfft. Seriously?
Because this is a Catholic blog. Hello?! If you want to talk like that, go to http://www.IUseSwearWordsBecauseIDon‘tKnowHowToExpressMyselfAnyOtherWay.idiot
Catholicism: swearing is frowned upon, child-rape…eh, not so much.
Out comes the red herring.
Are Catholics so averse to diverse vocabularies? People should use a full range of words, from myopic and philosophunculist to cunt and belgium. Your propensity to be offended is indicative of an inability to control your emotions.
Boxers are less material than a bikini? Think about that statement for a second. Just think it through, please.
First of all, I would very much appreciate it if you wouldn’t use swears on a Catholic site. It’s offensive.
Second, it takes a bit of looking to find pics like that of guys. You don’t just happen across it like you do of women in bikinis on magazine covers in every grocery store checkout. American society has completely objectified women. Why? Because like it or not, men have the edge, and men like seeing as much women skin as possible. Does that make it okay? Of course not! People who choose to publicly show off their bodies are doing so for attention that society tells them is good. Sure it’s a double standard. Does that mean that women should buy into it? Of course not! There is a major difference between being offended by your anatomy and having some common decency and modesty, which, in my opinion, deserves more respect than attention-seeking bikini wearing.
“Displaying” my body does not make me feel free. It reduces who I am and limits my freedom to strive towards goodness. And I get frustrated when I meet a guy who flexes in photos if I learn that they have reduced themselves by focusing only on that which is physically good about them. Or they are hoping that women will lust over them.
Women deeply desire for men to recognize their beauty, but this needs to be done with pure intent and out of love, not lust. When complimented out of lust, it reduces the beauty I see in myself. I currently feel comfortable wearing a bikini to lay out and swim. When a virtuous man tells me in person how beautiful I look, I indeed feel like a beautiful beloved daughter of Christ. The compliment was fully communicated and received intimately in person (ie focused on relationship). On facebook people are limited in expressing love when they compliment me on how I look in a bikini.
I don’t believe in a double standard. Christian males are expected by Biblical standards to be modest in their dress as well as women. And if you look on a woman to lust after her, you’ve commited fornication in your heart. Christian singles are expected to not have sex before marriage. That goes for the guys as well as the girls. Those who engage in fornication shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. I’m not a Roman Catholic, it’s just what the Bible says.
I don’t believe this post is telling women to give up their freedom at all. A guy posting a picture in just shorts is sending the same message. The point is, do you really want all of your Facebook friends (who most are not our close friends) seeing you almost naked. If thats what I have to do to get a certain person’s attention then I don’t really want it. Posting almost naked pictures of yourself online is actually giving up your freedom to chose who sees that much of your body. This post wasn’t trying to restrict anyone’s free will, but gave a christian perspective to a growing trend.
You have little or no
understanding of Christian moral theology. To effectively engage in this
conversation, you need some basic knowledge of it.
but its also about the fact that men are more turned on by visuals… women not so much. women are more turned on by touch and by fantasizing
Although I believe modesty is important, I’m quite disturbed by most of the catholic articles focusing on urging only women “not to do” or “to do” something. Yes, women need to be in charity and solidarity with their fellow brothers in Christ to help them stay chaste, but I think it’s time to let men know what they should or should not do. It is certainly true that women can play a big role in steering men towards sin, managing lustful thoughts is first and foremost men’s responsibility.
I’m a woman myself so that’s why I focus on the woman’s role when it comes to this. (Though I have written a couple posts on pornography as well). Besides, I think Catholic guys know that lust and masturbation are sins and they need to step up and do something about them.
No, it’s not our fault if a man sins because he has free will– but if we’re not helping at all, then we’re not helping at all and I just don’t think that’s very cool or Christ-like.
“Yes, women need to be in charity and solidarity with their fellow brothers in Christ” –and I’d add something to that. Women need to respect their bodies for the sake of themselves–and no one else. Revering your body as a woman because it is beautiful and sacred can have absolutely nothing to do with a man’s struggle with lust. And I think part of that act of revering your body is not sharing every little bit of it with the world of Facebook.
She’s not saying don’t wear a bikini. She’s saying don’t post pictures of yourself IN the bikini on FACEBOOK.
What am I going to masturbate too then?
Ok, these are valid points, but what about your employers or potential employerswho will see you in a bikini? Employers look at facebook accounts before they hire people these days. Thats not to say you cant be yourself but just think that when you post pictures of yourself in bikinis or getting drunk at a party, your future boss will see it and may not take you seriously
That is a logical reason and why the writer did not use it.
What? Are you serious?
Post bikini pics on Facebook(FB) if you want. It is your body and if you are comfortable enough to wear a bikini in public then you should be comfy enough to post the pics onto FB.
As far as guys looking at the pic, who cares, take it as a compliment. It’s not like you will know anyway, they are going to be on there computer in a room somewhere away from you. Also if your bikini pic does it from the creeper than and pic of you will do it for them, and if you are that worried about it I suggest you remove all photos of yourself from FB.
And if they feel like they need to “rub one out” there are plenty of websites out there that have more content than FB will allow, and then they can get the job done in half the time. Besides that “jerking off” feels good and everyone should to it. There are far more benefits than risk(see link). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masterbation#Benefits
The bra and underwear thing you mention is utterly ridiculous, I’ve seen plenty of girls working out in just sports bras and compression shorts. And in more cases than not undies can be more reveling, yes I recognize that there are very sexy swimsuits out there, but there are also unflattering underthings, that you wouldn’t want anybody to see you in(i.e. grannie panties).
I do agree that beauty is more than the body, it is also mind, heart and soul. But lets not forget about initial attraction, because someone is sexy. That’s what makes us go and talk to that person, and if things go well then the relationship can proceed further if not it dies right there. After all in the end we are just animals that want offspring to further populate our species, and it is in our DNA to go for the most suitable mate which ends up being the most attractive creature, to us.
Sorry about any grammar or spelling errors.
I am a young Catholic man struggling to live chastity. In today’s culture, the amount of pornographic images and immodestly makes chastity extremely hard and radical. The images and styles are specifically designed by people who know what makes men sexually aroused. These styles are no made arbitrarily. This culture is treating sex like a commodity to be made money off of. But as Christians, we must reject this and return to God’s original plan for sex and the body.
When I see my beautiful Christian sisters looking beautiful and modest, it is such an encouragement. One essential aspect is that when a woman looks absolutely beautiful and knows she is, there is a glimmer of the God’s eternal Beauty that man sees. This Beauty makes man want to leave behind his selfish, self-centered ways and pursue the mysterious beauty of woman. Woman is meant to lead man to God. Once man and woman have formed a committed, romantic relationship and have given themselves to each other in marriage, then woman are supposed to use their natural God-given ability to seduce and arouse a man sexually that naturally leads to sexual intercourse. In this context, even dressing suggestively plays an important part. In this situation, man’s beholding a woman’s body is not lustful but a realization and love for the amazing beauty that he has been actively pursuing and sacrificing for. He sees the absolute goodness of her body and of her feminity (think of Adam beholding Eve with wonder). He realizes that her beauty is something that he must love and protect.
My point in all of this is that the sexuality of man of woman are the way they are for a reason and have a purpose that finds its beautiful fulfillment in marital love. With this knowledge of God’s true plan, it becomes obvious why lust and immodesty are so wrong. On man’s end, he must learn to look at woman and see their true feminine beauty and not look at them as an object of pleasure and self-gratification (as our culture is training us to do). On woman’s end, she must learn her own inner beauty and dignity and realize the important role she plays in showing man true beauty. She must learn to not use her body an asset to gain man’s attention and desire but as a prize beyond any monetary value that man must win the right to out of love and devotion. If we just blindly adopt our culture’s ideals of “freedom” and “beauty” then we will use our sexuality to our own advantage, claiming ignorance and innocence. Meanwhile, we are choosing the “wide road” that leads to Hell. Sexuality has the power to make or break a civilization (there are countless examples throughout history). We need to take an honest look at everything that our culture feeds us in entertainment, styles, mentalities, etc. and look at it in light of God’s plan of “sheer goodness” for making us male and female.
It’s not the responsibility of women to ensure you can remain chaste. If you can’t disconnect bare skin from sexual thoughts, then it is nobody’s problem but your own.
I would argue from a Catholic perspective, we all are responsible for each other. We are first and foremost responsible for ourselves and we will be judged accordingly but as Scripture teaches us we will also be responsible for leading others into sin. In the same way if a man lead a woman on to sexual thoughts and desires through his actions he will be held largely responsible for her unchastity. In the same way if a woman deliberately dresses in a suggestive or revealing way to cause a man to lust and sexually desire her then yes she will share responsibility. How we dress does matter! Are you saying that we shouldn’t think any differently of the way a wife and mother dresses than the way a prostitute dresses? They are obviously presenting something very different to the world by the way they are dressing.
It’s the 21st century. Honestly, its a BODY. everyone has a body. It never ceases to amaze me how people are still afraid of anatomy and nature. Just because someone is showing skin it doesn’t mean its automatically sex related. Plus this is a really sexist article, because it’s only directed at girls. Society makes me sick. People can show off their bodies if they want to. Stop telling other people what they should and shouldn’t do with their own lives. And PS, no guy is going to “hide” the photos from their newsfeed. Thats hilarious that you believe that.
#2 is waaaaayyy off. The only guys who won’t want to stare at you in a bikini are family or gay. Potential boyfriends are gonna be all over them!
This. I could see a brother hiding them, but not the QB of the football team.
Sooo…… I guess we’re assuming women don’t masturbate, right? Hey Guys, don’t go shirtless. Your abs just might make a Godly woman touch herself inappropriately. The notion that men will masturbate because you posted a bikini pic of yourself is insane.
Have a bit of humility. Do you really think you’re all that?? Men are gonna masturbate and think about *you* because you posted a pic of yourself in a bikini?? Perhaps you’re too full of yourself to think straight. Guess what…. People will masturbate. If they want to fantasize about you while they do that, you are not going to stop them. You’re also not going to encourage them any more regardless of what you are wearing in your photos. And guess what else… Most *people* don’t masturbate in front of their computers. They do so in bed, or in a bathroom or anywhere else convenient. With a photo album in their head. Probably more concerned with scenarios rather than particular people.
Ignorance is what this.
Studies show women masturbate every bit as much as men. Those who say they don’t are probably lying as masturbation is totally natural.
People masturbate. If you don’t you are either 1. a liar or 2. disturbingly repressed – scary thought! Get a grip people.
Lol #2. So naïve.
Lol @ Number 2. You are delusional if you think those pics get hidden by ANYONE.
Actually a few guys have left comments saying they’ve hidden pictures of immodestly dressed women. And like I said, I know guys in my own life who hide them. But you have no reason to take my word for it I guess.
Peace.
I have on several occasions.
“I just threw up in my mouth a little”
“Religion Poisons everything”
Are you joking with number 2? Do you honestly think any of us hide these pics from our newsfeed? I mean I don’t agree with most of this, but #2 just shows how naive you are. It is no different than porn. 95% of males look at porn, the other 5% are liars. Plan and simple. And masturbation is not a sin, if you want to challenge me on that, then please furnish a verse that specifically refers to the act of masturbation. While lust and masturbation may seem to go hand in hand, you do not need lust in order to masturbate. I speak from experience.
Genesis 38:9
And yes, the Catholic Church teaches that masturbation is a sin. Again, this is a blog for Catholics.
And again, scroll down to read the comments of men who have hidden those pictures from their newsfeed. Self-control is a beautiful thing; and men are not animals.
Going OT are we? Perfect. Love me some OT. Genocide, rape, incest, seriously good stuff. But for now we will focus on your complete misinterpretation of that verse. You need to look at the whole chapter. He was wicked, not for spilling his seed, but for not doing as God commanded which was to sleep with his brother’s wife. (side note: my bro would be pissed if I ever banged his wife, even if I thought God told me to. I would hate to meet him in the afterlife after that.) Onan didn’t want to do as God commanded, that was his sin.
When I read stuff like this, I feel that Christians and Catholics need to be a bit more understanding of the Islamic religion. At least Muslims don’t have this issue with facebook, and if that happened, you would be held accountable for that, not them. Seems fair to me.
Matthew 5:28
1 Cor 6:19-20
Those are two more verses that talk about the sin of sexual immorality, which masturbation falls under. The Catholic faith also is derived from sacred tradition and the Magestrium, as well as sacred text, i.e. the Bible. You are going to need an awful lot of proof to prove your claim that, “masturbation is not a sin.”
And you my friend are going to need a lot more proof that god exist cuz as far as i see it you “religious nuts” are waisting your time because there are no sky daddys.. Would u like to sit down and pray to the pre-christian egyptian god of horrus with me… I didnt think so cuz it seems crazy to praise a myth right????? Your faith is no diffrent nor more real than that of every pre-christian mythology. Religious modesty and abulity to think that they know everything enrages me to an overwhelming extent. You ignorant, bigoted, self diluted individuals who follow the bible to be the word of god explain to me this if your god is so perfect and all knowing why does the bible have so many contradictions? Why is your god so petty,unjust,mysogynistic
You like fact that the book tou follow helped ensalve people, murder ad burned peeople at the stake even in the 21st century we still have honor killings you dont think ita dangerous when everybody of faith it doesnt even matter which one think that they have the absolute truth. Please tell me you see how dangerous that is. You think its right that the pope went to africa and said “aids is bad but condoms are way worse”?? Do you think its right that most religious people cant even accept the teory of evolution which is supported by overwhelming amounts of evidence unlike your bible. The fact that the bible was written 60 years after jesus and that the writers of the bible are unknown and that it just so happened to be that no historian wrote about jesus in his time or the fact that
… Or the fact that there were many people in the time of jesus to be performing miracles. Do u understand how weong religion is and the harm it causes. Do you know how many are fucking dead because of this 2000 yr old bronze age book written by primitive bastards that you guys seem to so willfully accept atleast acknoledge the fact that religion and faiths are cultural. To say you mary or whom ever that is christian were to have been born in pakistan you would have been raised muslim or if you were born in north korea you would fall in line to the wishes of kim jung ill… Religious people please acknoledge how wrong you guys are and have been since the damn of mythology and how maby people have died and suffered because of this book. Open your eyes lifes way more beautiful without a creator and i still wake up with love for myice and everyone in it. I look at the stars and amzed of earths conpexity and the fact that science keeps providing us with new insight into the way this majestic planet works instead of stamping the god did it stamp on it just like everything else and not question it. Religions modest and sheer willfull ignorance amazes me everyday more and more you guys should b ashamed of yourself you sick mentaly unstable bastards
this is just stupid….what happened to personal freedom?
just another load of catholic bull
This is great, Mary! Thanks so much for a logical, reason-based argument that upholds our dignity so well. Even after I learned about modesty throughout my conversion, bikinis were the last thing to go for me- I fought with every argument in the book, thinking primarily that since everyone else already wears them and I was more covered up than some girls, it wasn’t a big deal. This will be my third bikini-less summer, and now I can’t even imagine exposing that much skin. It’s taught me so much about who we are as women and allowed me to think of modesty as an invitation for good, virtuous men to pay attention to me for much better reasons than my body. God Bless, and I’d love for you to visit Captive the Heart, my blog for Catholic brides! http://captivetheheart.blogspot.com
I would say “Get over yourself”. Do you think people on facebook have nothing better to do than ogle you.
Modesty is an invented tool of oppression.
Fuck this. Bitches are less than men.
I’m ashamed of my body because I believe every lie I’m told, and so should you!
Oh my gosh thanks for the laugh. Reading the comments I would have thought I had wandered on a Muslim site. No wonder Europe is so far ahead of us socially. The Puritianism that still exists in the US is hilarious. Many on here want to bring us back to the 1600s
As a German I have to admit: You are totally right! 😀 Totally the same shit as I read on Muslim sides every day. Poor America, poor girls who still see themselves just as bate for the evil men who just want the “one”. Grow up girl. A body is sth. beautiful. Your resentments are based on a fairytale book, 2000 years old.
Wow! So much internalized misogyny; I am sad for this writer.
This is a really bad joke and quite stupid. You want something to be concerned over regarding bikinis? How about the moron parents dressing their little girls up in bikinis at the beach and still being concerned about child predators? A bikini is made and designed for a woman with these some shape to her. Not a 5 year old who won’t develop for another 8 years. You are allowing your child to be publicly objectified by a number of potential creeps. And while i feel awful for the child who gets molested. Those parents are as much to blame as the sicko pedophile that did that. Bikinis on grown ups and the pictures they post are the business of that person. However a sexually arousing outfit on a child is just stupid.
When I’m posting critically on a post I usually try to pick out something that I agree with so as not to appear to be a complete jerk. Unfortunately I had to disagree with your statement, really, to the fullest.
1. Because your number of friends are not by any means proportional to the amount of people who will look at your picture. How awkward would it be for me to look at and comment on my little cousins or my aunt’s bikini pictures if I happened across them; it wouldn’t be awkward at all, but I still don’t feel like looking because I respect the fact that its inappropriate. Furthermore, people that are good will do the right thing. Your lab partner, employers, and friends should probably be able to respect doing the right thing or looking at you as a person with inherent value. I don’t know why you’re friends with people you don’t know but they can all see your status posts, congratulations, you are easy to creep on.
2. Because the human body is BEAUTIFUL. Even someone with your misinformation of how the world works must understand that god only created nature that he saw to be good. If I’m not mistaken that would also mean that he made a human body that was beautiful in nature. Why are you so ashamed?
3. Number 3 was a complete non-argument. You might not post a picture of yourself in underwear, but how often are you out in a beautiful natural area in your underwear? I’d submit that the number of times is almost infinitely less than the amount of times one would be at the beach in a bathing suit.
4. I found number four rather offensive. I actually disagree with your assessment entirely. I went on my most attractive (in my opinion) girl in my hometown’s pictures and found a bikini picture. There were 10 comments in all. Two of them actually did say something along the lines of “Daaayyyuummm girrllll” but they were made by her 2 best friends all throughout high school to be funny. There’s nothing wrong with that. The other 8 consisted of her boyfriend, mother, and a few other scattered friends telling her she looked like she was in nice shape, that she looked really, and I quote, “pretty” or that they wish that they looked that good. If that doesn’t feel actualizing to you, I respect your decision to validate yourself. Don’t take that privilege away from others and don’t tell them what they should be ashamed of.Have a nice day.B.
I have thought for a long time that if women understood the way men’s brains worked, they wouldn’t dress the way they do.
Hey! Just in response to the underwear comparisons, I think a lot of it is about situation. You wear your underwear underneath your clothing, so naturally (unless you’re an underwear model or stripper or something like that, where it’s required) you wouldn’t wear it in public! However, a bikini is something that plays to the environment of a beach or swimming pool. I think JPII said something about the importance of environment and the woman’s carriage as related to modesty. So it can be modest to wear a bikini when one will be swimming!Also, it’s a little demeaning to assume (as some but not all of you have) that every woman is wearing a bikini to garner male attention. I personally wear bikinis because I like to have my back and stomach the same shade as the rest of my body, and because I find them more comfortable! Never once have I thought “Wow, I think I’ll buy this bikini because I look so sexy in it. Men will definitely pay attention to me now!” I know historically women have tried very hard to get men’s attention, and surely some of them do now, but not all do.
Finally, in reference to the masturbation thing, I have had men tell me they have masturbated to pictures of only my face, or photos in which I’m wearing a t-shirt. I’m not encouraging women to post immodest or provocative photos because “men are just going to do it anyway,” but I am saying that the burden is not entirely on women. Many religious people need to understand that men are not uncontrollable! We can love our brothers by encouraging them to develop healthy thought patterns rather than by babying them and catering to them instead of demanding their respect by expecting them to control themselves.
Young and Catholic is not the niche porn website I was expecting it to be.
What a load of old shit. seriously. wear whatever the fuck you want. Don’t allow a bullshit, mystical, iron age, patriarchal fairy tale to dictate your wardrobe..
For those of you who think that this is a “sexist” view point and a lot of “Catholic bull”. I’ll pray for you. You are entirely missing the point behind the teachings of the Catholic church. Consider reading Dr. Alice von Hildebrand’s book, “The Privilege of Being a Woman”…it might help you see things from a different point of view. It’s unfortunate that modesty can’t be discussed without people getting up in arms about women’s rights and how “women aren’t responsible for men”. It would be nice if, for once, a mature and adult discussion could be had with both sides respectfully considering the other’s point of view; instead of people automatically attacking the beliefs and teachings of the Catholic church, labelling and calling the other side names… Please try to have a thought-provoking and fruitful discussion without acting like a bunch of children. Name calling and insinuating things never gets any argument anywhere…
Now before any of you jump to conclusions. I’m an undergrad, currently single, and a dancer. I have a body I am extremely proud of, toned and sculpted legs, and an insanely strong core and defined abs. However, I choose not to show off my body. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got it and there are times I would seriously LOVE to flaunt it, but I choose not to wear bikinis. I have unpleasantly experienced plenty of guys checking me out, sometimes in extremely obvious ways, when I’m in baggy jeans and a hoodie at the grocery store. I find it disgusting and disrespectful and if I can tell what they’re thinking when I’m dressed like that, it’s not hard to figure out what they’d be thinking if I donned a bikini and left very little to their imaginations.
I’d get a h*** of a lot of attention, no doubt about it, but that kind of attention only lasts so long and isn’t what I want. I want to have a lasting and fulfilling relationship with a man who respects me for more than my body. I’m realistic enough to know that my physique won’t last forever and I’m not going to find a fountain of youth. I want to find and marry a man who’ll still want me for who I am and all that I have to offer him even when age takes it’s toll. Deep down that’s what every woman wants and she’s not going to find lasting love and devotion in a man who is attracted to her for the way she looks in a swim suit. When it comes down to it, no woman wants her value based on her looks and body alone…that really is sexist.
Sorry but we should not read a womans teachings as the bible tells us its wrong. 1 Timothy 2:12
I think saying it three times makes it even funnier 🙂
Ok, 1) I never said that it was a teaching of the Catholic Church. It’s just her thoughts, reflections, and opinions on what it means to be a woman in light of the teachings of the Catholic Church, which is not the same thing as her own “teachings”. It’s a viewpoint not a doctrinal thesis; and 2) Are you Catholic? We do have female Doctors of the Church…St. Teresa of Avila, St. Catherine of Siena, St. Therese of Lisieux…just saying. : )
If this wasn’t so hatefully misogynistic I would have laughed harder because #2 is a riot. Good guys wouldn’t look? Maybe you meant gay guys wouldn’t look.
Gay guys probably look too, just because they can.
“Because EVERYONE that you are friends with (and more, depending on privacy settings) can see these pictures.”
Except, you can totally limit posts to groups you care to. You… you have used facebook, right?
“Because the good guys (i.e. – the guys you want to date) will choose to “hide” those pictures from their newsfeeds anyway”
No, we won’t.
“Because your beauty is more than your body”
… though, it does include it, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of, and if you feel like showing off, modesty has no place.
…then perhaps you’re not “the good guys” she is referring to…nor one she would want to date 😛
Perhaps not. Though I was at one point a “good” Catholic boy. And guess what: I’d still have checked out the bikini pics – though I’d never have admitted it then. Catholic shame and guilt are pretty powerful things.
And maybe finish reading number 1 (you know…that thing you quoted?)
she said “depending on privacy settings”, so don’t act like you’re making her look dumb by pointing out that you can change them.
number 2 is complete crap xD
First of all everything this young lady is saying is absolutely correct and practical. I am saddened at the lack of respect shown for her perspective. I gather that the bulk of those dissenting voices (to put it mildly) also champion their own right to free speech and free thought, etc. The true test of such an idea is your treatment of ideas with which you do not agree and which are not convenient to you. There are perfectly respectful ways of disagreeing with anything, but many of you displaying a manifest intolerance of her beliefs which you likely would not tolerate or appreciate if directed towards your person in regards to your convictions. Further, Mary, I would like to applaud your courage in stating your Catholic beliefs and standing by them in the face of such hostility.
If she followed the bible she would be at home and not speaking as per Timothy 2:12
context is a beautiful thing, and it does not prove you’re intelligent to throw Bible verses at Christians as if they’ve never heard them before.
I couldn’t have said it better myself!
Mary- Loved your article. I read in a psychology book of mine about a study that was done awhile back that measured which areas of the brain showed most activity when showed a certain image. When a woman in a bikini or underwear was shown to men, a certain part of the brain showed a lot of activity. The catch was that when shown a picture of a hammer or a wrench, that same area lit up just as much. When shown a woman with just regular clothes on that was just as attractive, a completely different part of the brain lit up. Correlation? Women in bikinis and tools wet in the same section of the brain. Interesting huh?
The question that needs to be asked by women is, “Do I want to be held responsible by God for causing someone else to sin? Do I really want to be helping the Devil in tempting others to fall?”
The question that needs to be asked by men is, “Do I want to be controlled by my flesh or do I want to be in control of my body? A man that is a slave to himself is not a man at all. He is weak and pathetic. If he can’t control a 9 oz’ish body part, then what else would he be? Kids have trouble with self-control. Adults shouldn’t have that problem Don’t even give me that crap about sexual liberation. That like saying I have more freedom by enslaving myself to someone or something. SERIOUSLY?! How can you not see the ridiculousness of your reasoning, if it can even be called that? It has nothing to do with being offended by one’s own anatomy. It’s called decency and it is great demand these days because no one is decent enough to practice it. Sexual liberation is not a modern idea. It is actually very old. It always led to the destruction of civilization. There WAS Rome, Greece, Babylonia, and others. What they all had in common before they fell was that there was partying, drunkenness, unbridled sex, etc. They fell because the people were only worried about what would please them. They could care less about the next generation. This nation was founded by MEN who SACRIFICED their present so that WE THE POSTERITY could have a FUTURE. It only takes one generation to lose site of the future because they are focused on pleasing themselves to lose the future of a nation. chew on that for a while.
You know because you were there, right? It sounds like you take what you read for granted. Do not judge a society based on the lessons an American teacher gives to her class of 8-year-olds…because that is your perception of them. But perhaps critical thinking is too difficult for those who blindly worship a 2000-year-old book. By the way, the Roman Empire lasted longer than your Bible has, and was great far longer than the U.S. has been. Like I said, learn to think critically of history in context, because currently your interpretation is juvenile.
The religious folks here pretend like you can either only be physically attracted or emotionally attracted. If you want a healthy relationship, TRY BOTH.
no religious folk here is “acting” like that. Physical attraction is a good thing. It doesn’t automatically mean lust and I feel sorry for you if can’t read the difference here.
WHY IS SEX BAD?
It’s not!!! Who is saying it is?? We Catholics believe that sex is just so good that it is meant for the lifelong monogamous union of marriage.
Hi Mary,
This post was just wonderful. As a married father of nine children who adores his wife, I couldn’t agree more. Don’t even read all of the negative comments. If Jesus says that to even look at a woman with lust in your heart is just like commiting adultery, then his word is good enough for me. It is just common sense. Men are especially prone to the sin of lust so why add fuel to the fire by wearing very little clothing. The problem with semi-nude photos is not that they reveal too much about a woman – they reveal too little. A man will only see the flesh but not the heart of the woman he is staring at. A woman’s body, which will eventually decay and die, does not reveal the soul which is eternal. Most of the people making negative comments have had their sexuality (which is a gift from God) so distored by the pornographic culture that their consciences have been numbed. They feel nothing but seek only instant gratification in a throw away culture. They need our prayers because they know not what they do. If you are one of those who have posted a negative comment, remember that God loves you and he wants to deliever you from the sin of lust. Ask for His help and you may be surprised what he will do for you.
The same thing that Santa will do.. Or the easter bunny or Dr Who.. No wait I can believe in Dr Who there are videos for proof> LOL
STOP REPRODUCING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
What do you have against kids?
It breaks down to one simple thought and that it MODESTY. This lovely young woman, is only saying that being modest you are respecting yourself and others. It boils down to personal thoughts and feelings. Thank you for your beautiful words and letting young girls know that it ok to cover up, still be cute and make sure that you are always be thoughtful towards others and our LORD! This is your blog, your words, and I hope other young women understand how important it is to be modest in what you wear and how you act. This is something that I strive to do on a daily basis and also teaching my daughter that modesty is a wonderful thing. Keep on writing and being a proud CATHOLIC woman.
Thanks Mary. I have never woren a bikini and even whole swim suits make uncomfortable. But when I see my friends in them, my friends hanging out with their friends in them, everyones “great” tan and body, I look at my shorts and tanktop and wonder if I’m even noticed. I really needed a reminder that I am beautiful. Thank you.
to many prude people like you
Timothy 2:12
This article is fucking stupid. Shut up.
Yeah screw everything the suffragettes fought for. Be modest ladies, because what men really want are sexually repressed women. That’s why we keep going after Muslim women in full Burqa. You know what’s funny is that outside of the catholic circle, do you know what men say about catholic girls? That they are the most dirty, kinky, sexually perverted of all the female stereotypes you can date. Want to know why? Because they are taught to repress their sexuality rather than embrace it. Know what happens when you repress a natural part of your biology? It fights to get out. It get’s more intense. Catholic priests turning into paedophiles, catholic girls being nasty in bed. These are the stereotypes attributed to you and other sexuality oppressing religions.
The only time men and women differ greatly in their sexuality is when religion is involved. Why do you think religious people speak so ill of atheist women and their sexual freedom. That is how women are when they aren’t repressed. And guess what, it’s great. There is nothing wrong with sex and I would seriously question any doctrine which said otherwise.
Peace
you’re incredibly ignorant if you think the Catholic Church teaches that sex is bad, dirty, or wrong. Pick up a Catechism. Enlighten yourself.
Oh brother. Because I suggest that a woman should think about the kinds of things she wears and posts pictures of on Facebook, I’m taking away a woman’s right to vote? Please tell me you’re kidding.
This isn’t about repression. It’s about proper context. The Church teaches that sex is meant for marriage, and the body is beautiful and good. It’s not a plaything, nor meant to be used as simply an object of pleasure.
Again, this is a blog for Catholics. Show a little respect, and if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
Awesome article and brilliant points! So inspiring to see another Catholic girl that respects herself and the men around her. As for #2…I’m blessed to know some spectacular good guys too.
really… *fap fap fap fap*…. dammit.. going to hell now!
Oh please, what a load of crap. If you want to post pics of yourself fine, if you don’t fine. No one really gives a damn.
If you’re worried about guys waching off to it then don’t post it. Guess what, 75% of guys spank the monkey and 25% lie.
Rest assured though, there is far better pics of women, or men, out there in the land of the web. Pics that are easy to fined, just google “hot chick pics” and see. Chances are the shots of you at the beach wouldn’t even be in the running.
Post them or don’t, no one really cares…Unless you are friends with me, then please post them if you want.
So much herp derp in this tragically pathetic piece.
You worry too much. Bikini pics are so passe these days.
Do you hide your intellect from men because you are afraid he will objectify you as just a brain? I hope not.
Riddled with incoherent blanket statements and confirmation bias. People have vastly different reasons for posting pictures of themselves at the beach, at a gym, etc. It’s not always a grab for attention, most people don’t give a damn, they just want to store the good times where they can be shared. You’re just reiterating old stereotypes of how males and females behave. It’s nonsense.
This was pretty interesting, until you brought sin into it, implying that the only good guys out there are Christians who only choose to not view women as a set of body parts because it is a sin, as opposed to either an atheist or an agnostic who would refrain from that mindset simply because it’s a moral and gentlemanly mindset. Along with that, you’re clearly a feminist, implying in a previous comment about how it only takes a picture to grab a mans attention that ALL men are the same. Making generalizations is a very hasty and ignorant practice. The same could be said about materialistic women and sensitive men, it can work both ways, not all men are the same, and not all women are the same.
I think you’re being a little oversensitive. Remember this is a Catholic blog and “occasion of sin” is a Catholic term. I fully acknowledge and believe that there are other men without faith that do not wish to objectify women, and they would hide the images just ‘cuz it’s the right thing to do (to be fair though: in Catholic terms, it’s the right thing to do to avoid occasions of sin). I don’t think my article necessarily implies that men without faith can’t be good and wholesome gentlemen. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.
And again, I was only saying that men and women’s sexualities are different, and yes, speaking in general terms to illustrate so. Of course, as with anything, there are exceptions to the rule.
RE: Your opinion.
Dear Mary,
Shut up.
Regards,
Everyone who counts
1. I honestly do not care who sees me in a bikini. I don’t care if people see me naked, it’s just my body. Why does the body of a woman have to be automatically sexual? Teach guys not to objectify, do not teach women not to embrace their body. You are body-negative.
2. “Nice” guys have sexual feelings too, trust me they don’t hide the photos. At most they just don’t notice it. Also, how do you know what kind of guy I want to date? I’ll date [and have sex with] whoever I want., regardless of how “nice” they are, if I like them then I like them.
3. Actually, yeah, I would. My undergarments are fucking beautiful, and so is my body.
4. As I said before my body is part of my beauty. A person isn’t going to think I’m just attractive for my personality, that’s scientifically impossible. Anyone who says otherwise is a LIAR.
I just have one thing I would like to say.
Because I like looking at girls in bikinis, I’m disqualified as a good guy to date? That seems incredibly dishonest.
Obviously, not every guy is going to look at girls in bikinis. But not every guy who looks at a pretty girl in a bikini is automatically bad!
When I see a pretty girl, I don’t think “I would like to do dirty things with her.” I think “Ooh, a pretty girl!” I think I speak for many men who feel the same way.
tl;dr Don’t be afraid to flaunt it if you got it.
dont wear a bikini if you’re a conservative?????? is this new?????
Oh dear, this is so sad. It’s hard to believe these kinds of beliefs still exist in our modern world. I guess we can just chalk it up to naivety and feel sorry for you and the other commenters “struggling with their sin”. How sad your life must be fighting against very natural and normal processes. And those guys posting saying they sometimes hide girl’s pictures from their feed? Those girls are probably not attractive to them. I would hide those too… The guilt of all these “rules” must be eating you all alive. It makes me so sad. I hope one day you stop and question your faith and actually look critically at what you are being taught and whether it even makes any sense or is actually “moral”.
there’s a difference between degrading and exposing.. wearing a bikini just because and taking photos of yourself yeah that may be degrading. taking photos at a beach in the bikini is just exposing.. its not indecent.
as other people have said, there are some swimsuits (in general) that are degrading and some aren’t. besides, if a girl wants to wear a bikini and increases their confidence, let them 🙂
Women don’t get sexualy excited from a man with his shirt off. hmm some one forgot to tell the millions of women that went to all those manpower strip shows. LOL
A very true (perhaps unpopularly true) analysis. It’s not easy to go against the grain of society and make such a bold statement.
“Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.” -Matt 5:11
“If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you.” – John 15:18
props, and prayers 🙂
6. Because your adults, and the Clergy only want to see children in many states of the undress. You might as well call any religion NAMBLA.
You must be so fat and ugly…
3,000 pounds–how did you know??
1. Everyone on the beach or at the pool can see me in my bikini as well. Not just uncle Bob, but total strangers. And I can see them in theirs. And nobody is creeped out, because it’s perfectly fine to wear attire intended for bathing.
2. My “good guy” finds me attractive even though I don’t have perfect abs. He calls me sexy and hot. And he also values my intelligence and personality. Sexual attraction is a natural part of a relationship and anyone denying that is not just a prude, but needs to get psychological help. Considering sexual attraction as something dirty is unnatural.
3. Actually, I probably would, as long as it’s not see through, which most of my undies are, which is why I am not posting pics in my undies. See, my bras are a lot more lacy than my bikini top, which is designed to NOT show what’s underneath, even when wet, unlike most underwear. Surely you can see the difference.
4. Sure, my beauty is more than my body. But my body is also part of me, and I don’t need to cover it up or be ashamed of it. I have a natural relationship to my body and find it rather unnatural to reduce my beauty to just my pretty eyes. If that were the case, I may as well wear a niqab to the beach.
If any of you sick religious bastards wanna debate just let me know send me an email at ribeiro.c@hotmail.com i would love to see how a mentally unstable persons mind rationalizes!!
oh gosh, this is so ridiculous. Christianity is no way better than the stupidity of Islam. better u get a Burkini for the next day at beach. A body, sexuality is nothing evil or a sin. That’s what your crazy book tells you. A men written 2000 year old fairytale collection. Own your body and your mind.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the body or sexuality is evil or sinful; and nowhere in this post or on this blog did I say that either.
Thank you for posting this. There are several teen girls that I mentor who I plan to share this with. 🙂
Also, sorry you are getting so much hate down there. People are always more apt to be cruel when they can hide behind the internet. And perhaps the reason so many feel so strongly about this issue is because it is difficult to take responsibility for one’s own actions and be aware of how your actions will affect others. Not only in the clothes you wear, but the words you speak, the way you treat others, etc. Thanks again for sharing.
People masturbate over posted bikini pictures. Shame on you! SHAME!
There is perfectly good pornography out there! Stop repressing yourselves :p
Simply put-Mary your an idiot.
Considering that immodesty is purely subjective, adult women are free to do as they please, nothing can be proven to be wrong with nude human flesh (even in public), men are responsible for their actions, there is no sky dad watching and judging us as we undress, it has been proven that society plays a huge part in determining acceptable behaviors and gender roles, this whole article is nothing more than someone pushing for society to live by their standards. Would posting a bikini on Facebook be a big deal if America wasn’t so uptight and repressed about sex? Maybe, if most Americans weren’t raised to feel shameful or sinful about sex, a woman in a bikini on Facebook would be seen just as a woman in a bikini on Facebook. For actual evidence of sexual repression being the underlying problem, think about how the story of forbidden fruit works or better yet, consider that people addicted to porn often develop decreased desire for real life intimacy. The only reason I am using this example is to show that the psychology of sex can be affected by environmental factors. Women would likely stand much less chance of being objectified if they weren’t in an environment that supported objectification. Many see porn as the problem, but porn could be just a symptom of the repression of human sexuality. Either way, it for sure is a complicated issue. Because it is so subjective, the only way to really deal with it is to focus on whether harm is being done. If a woman posts a bikini picture and a man (or woman) becomes aroused and the woman is never made aware of or negatively affected by the arousal, was any harm done?
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I was able to masturbate to this article no problem
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://sciencenotes.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/burkini.jpg&imgrefurl=http://sciencenotes.wordpress.com/2008/02/28/el-burkini/&h=456&w=620&sz=51&tbnid=gKXA1k3GC8QHcM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=122&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dburkini%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=burkini&docid=dJ1F3RLstdqXdM&sa=X&ei=VFelT_TbFsOg2AXnxqCmAg&ved=0CIMBEPUBMAI&dur=489
Am I the only person who legitimately liked this article? I don’t see a double standard. I try not to ogle men because they are more than their body, so why shouldn’t I strive for and expect the same regard I give them?
PS: Please tell the Priest to not look at the little boys in the Swimming pool
Well miss Mary you are on facebook now with my comment!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_sex_abuse_cases
listen here tool, all guys like to see pics of girls in bikinis. You wanna know why? It’s because we are guys and we are very visual beings…this article sounds like something an unattractive person would write because they have insecurities about themselves. Insecurities in women are just as unattractive as they are in men. Grow up.
So, you’re proving the point of this article. Guys are visual beings and are attracted to women in bikinis, and women don’t always realize just to what extent their bodies are being “appreciated” by the men that they are letting it all hang out in front of.
And jumping to the unattractive conclusion? Sounds like something an idiot would write when he doesn’t have another valid argument.
what about a fat girl in a bikini who no one is attracted to? can she post pictures on facebook?
Loads of women post bra/underwear pictures on facebook…and elsewhere.
Yes, but still, have some dignity please. Not everyone who read this article will totally agree with the author’s views, but that’s what makes us all different. We do not have to insult anyone who does not see things the same way we ourselves do. Please just stop fighting. Not everyone will see eye to eye on this issue
[…] mine gave me the opportunity to post about this when she posted the following article on Facebook: Four Reasons to Keep Bikini Pictures Off Facebook. Thank God someone else is talking about this! I want to particularly zero in on the second point […]
A woman has the free will to wear what she pleases. She is free to make her choice however, that does not mean she is making the choice for the right reason. In our culture, wearing provocative clothing is expected, and modesty is looked down upon. I would argue most women are slaves to this culture and way of thinking that they are not making their choice freely. Instead society makes them. A woman who freely chooses to wear a bikini would fully understand her choice and the consequences of her choice. She would know that men are weak when it comes to tempering their sexual desires and the slightest thing can trigger selfish, introverted thoughts in a man. She would also recognize her own dignity and know she deserves the best treatment and respect from any guy, not a guy who cannot keep his sexual desires and lowest instincts in check. Having sexual desires exists in both man and animals, and we are animals; but we are rational beings capable of rational thought and capable of showing restraint.
You are stuck in this mindset of sex being something for a woman to give or withhold, and never genuinely desire herself.
I’m a dude, and if I had a buff body then I’d wear stuff to show it off.
I’ve given a lot of thought to your First Summer Sans Bikini post, a whole fall and winter’s worth, and I’ve opted for a tankini this summer.
There isn’t anything about my body–or anybody’s body–to be ashamed of, but I don’t want to be looked at the same way people look at Victoria’s Secret models. They had a commercial some time around Christmas where, get this, the modeals SPOKE. It was so bizarre to hear them speak! I hadn’t even realized it, but I–a woman, a Catholic woman at that!–had come to see them as objects, living manniquins. And why? Because they have always been presented that way. I don’t want to present myself the same way on the beach or at the pool.
How guys look at and think about me is in their control, but it makes no sense to go “flaunt what I got” in the manner of the VS models and expect to be viewed with dignity and respect.
Anyway. Thanks for the post!
the thing is, people don’t think about your smile or beauty, they’re just looking at your body.
when i see someone scantily dressed I ask what if that person was standing in front of Jesus or the Blessed Virgin Mary and I try yo imagine what they would say about that scantily dressed person
And for all you devout Catholics here are two quotes from Our Lady of Fatima:
“More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than
for any other reason.”
“Certain fashions will be introduced that will offend Our Lord very much.”
Hi Mary,
I made some very charitable comments in an earlier post about your wonderful article, but due to the negative reaction to my comments, the gloves must come off. Most of the people making negative comments are nothing more than high tech barbarians – well educated, successful, but morally bankrupt. The reason for their moral bankruptcy is simple – sin makes you stupid. Many of the the smartest among us have absolutely no wisdom whatsoever. They need our prayers and God’s mercy.
Chris
This only reflects the writer’s opinion. This piece of nonsense has nothing to do with what the Catholic Church has always stood for.
I’d like to ask why you say that. Respecting the body has nothing to do with what the Catholic Church has always stood for? Saying the body is good and should be revered is not what the Church teaches? Protecting our brothers and sisters from grave sin by carrying ourselves modestly has nothing to do what what the Church teaches?
I must have missed something.
This is why I choose NOT to have a religion, and so do most people now a days!! I’d rather speak to God from my house than go to a cult lead by child molesters and hipocrits trying to tell me how I should or should not live my life! If I choose to put a pic in FB totally naked that is my choise and noone should have a saying in it! Plus if I may honest most of the time the chubby/fat ones are the ones who are ”against” the bikini pics….
I have been enjoying reading the attacks on my physical appearance from people who A) have never seen me before and B) in the same breath make some reference to women’s rights and/or the dignity and freedom of a woman to be who she is. Talk about hypocritical.
While I know such articles as 4 Reasons to Keep Bikini
Pictures Off Facebook are written with good intentions, but I believe the mentality pushed in this article is dangerous. The idea that anything that could lead someone to sin is a sinful action is bad theology and that sexualizing everything, especially the human body, is dangerous, especially in a world where sexual perversion is already rampant.
I’d like to go through the article piece by piece to explain what I mean.
If you recall, last summer was My First Summer Without a
Bikini, and honestly, I haven’t looked back (and am even a little surprised that it has only been a year since I stopped wearing bikinis). Even still, I remember and understand the desire girls have to show off that new beach body and especially that new
summertime swimsuit. And in the age of Facebook, what better way to show off than by uploading a picture? It seems harmless, and everyone else does it anyway…
First, to suggest that every one who wears a bikini is wearing it because they have this deep internal desire to show off their body
is very misleading of the intentions of all human nature and women. I’ve noticed that since I’ve lived in the mid-west, more people are obsessed with the idea that bikinis, tank tops and shorts are all intentionally worn with the internal obsessive desire to seek attention – and that’s just not true! I’m from Florida, where it is warm all the time, and wearing lighter clothes is the norm because it is HOT! Go to other countries where the norm is to wear lighter (and often even fewer clothes) and you will see that the normal attire is usually worn for a sincere purpose, not an insincere malicious act.
Do women wear clothes (especially scandalously clad bikinis)
with the desire to seek attention? Yes! And is that wrong? Yes! But does that mean every bikini out there is immodest or worn with the desire to attract sexual attention? No. But is a woman who puts on makeup and her best fitting dress before going to church with the desire to seek attention also using her
body? Or is she just trying to look good?
There comes a point where intentions define a lot when it
comes to modesty. Karol Wojtyla (Blessed Pope John Paul II) said this in his book, Love and Responsibility (pg. 190)
– “This does not, however, mean that physical shamelessness is to be simply and exclusively identified with complete or partial nakedness. There are circumstances in which nakedness is not immodest. If someone takes advantage of such an occasion to treat the person as an object of enjoyment, (even if his
action is purely internal) it is only he who is guilty of shamelessness (immodesty of feeling), not the other. Nakedness as such is not to be equated with physical shamelessness. Immodesty is present only when nakedness plays a negative role with regard to the value of the person, when its aim is to arouse
concupiscence, as a result of which the person is put in the position of an object for enjoyment. What happens then may be called depersonalization by sexualization.”
He continues to point out (on pg. 191) that, “There are certain objective situations in which even total nudity of the body is not
immodest, since the proper function of nakedness in this context is not to provoke a reaction to the person as an object for enjoyment, and in just the same way the functions of particular forms of attire may vary. Thus, the body may be partially bared for physical labour, for bathing, or for a medical examination. If then we wish to pass a moral judgment on particular forms of
dress we have to srart from the particular functions which they serve. When a person uses such a form of dress in accordance with its objective function we cannot claim to see anything
immodest in it, even if it involved partial nudity. Whereas the use of such a costume outside its proper context is immodest, and is inevitably felt to be so. For example, there is nothing immodest about the use of a bathing costume at a bathing place, but to wear it in the street or while out for a walk is contrary to the dictates of modesty.”
1) Because EVERYONE that you are friends with (and more,
depending on privacy settings) can see these pictures.
If you were wearing something on a beach in front of
complete strangers with your family, why wouldn’t you be willing to post it onto Facebook for your friends and family, and yes that person from highschool, to see? What difference does it make? And if someone is creeping you on Facebook so much that it would be the equivalent of someone knocking on your
door in their swimsuit and saying, “hi, look at me,” then to be blunt, you’ve got bigger issues than if you post a picture of you with a swimsuit on. Most people don’t really care. They aren’t obsessed with thinking the body automatically equals sex. They see your picture and move on. Does that mean we don’t post pictures of our family life because of the chance that we may have
an unknown stalker as a FB friend? Personally no. I think if someone is stalking you that bad they could be doing anything with any of your pictures and you wouldn’t know. That’s a risk you take with social media, but that’s not your fault as a modest bikini wearer if someone else is so sexualized that they can’t handle a picture a girl or woman in a bathing suit.
2) Because the good guys (i.e. – the guys you want to date) will choose to “hide” those pictures from their newsfeeds anyway.
There was a story of two bishops walking down the street.
This is the short version. They walked by a beautiful woman. One looked her in the eyes and smiled. The other put his head down, averted his eyes and walked by her. The bishop who averted his eyes said to the other, “How dare you look at that woman like that!” The other bishop responded, “How dare YOU think of a
woman like that? I’m looking at her as a beautiful creation of God, not an object.”
Yes, there are times where women and girls post pictures of
themselves that are extremely inappropriate, and we are morally responsible to not do that ourselves or to lust after anyone. But does that mean that as a woman we must be covered head-to-toe because of the chance that a man may be so mentally perverted that he can’t handle seeing us? Whether a bathing suit is a
one piece or two-piece, both can be considered immodest depending on the style and intention of those wearing it. The goal of a man should not be to shun his eyes from all women but to rather see them in the purest light – as a creation of God. Some men struggle more with being over-sexualized then others, but all
men should be striving not to hide from women but through more prayer, a stronger faith and pure life be able to see their souls, no matter what they are wearing. How is he to minister to her if he does not learn to guard his heart in the face of temptation? St. Vitalis of Gaza ministered to women in the
brothels. Was he tempted at some point? Maybe. Who knows? But he was able to look past what they were wearing to see the woman’s soul and meet her where she was at to minister to her. If he wouldn’t have, they may never have met Christ.
Haven’t you ever noticed all the naked or bare breasted famous pictures of women in religious artwork of the Vatican? Pope John Paul II had those pictures fully revealed because a person’s body is a creation of God, a beautiful piece of artwork, and a man should be able to look at the soul of a woman no matter
what she is wearing. It’s the same concept that a man doesn’t need to shun his eyes from a bare breasted woman nursing in an African tribe because there is nothing sexual about it. She is merely being a mother. A man’s job is to help women who are trying to use their bodies to get attention to realize that their
true beauty lies in being created in the image and likeness of God, no matter what they look like, and to not use their bodies as tools for inappropriate surface attention.
3) Because you’d never post a picture of yourself in your bra and underwear on Facebook
No, you wouldn’t, but you aren’t doing that. Yes, in some
cases, bikinis or speedo’s cover the same amount of body parts, but does that mean every man who wears a speedo is trying to show off his “package” to the world? No way! At least I know a lot of the elderly men I grew up seeing at the beach weren’t! You don’t wear underwear to the beach; you wear a bathing suit.
4) Because your beauty is more than your body.
Exactly. But seriously, does a one-piece suit cover that
much more than a modest two-piece? Is the stomach that “sexual” of a body part? Your body is more than a sexual object that needs to be hidden from the world of people who may be sexually perverse. We raise our children with the understanding that there are some ways of dressing, speaking and acting that
are inappropriate for a variety of reasons that are explained as they get of an age to understand. We teach them their bodies are so beautiful that they need to be protected from those who may harm them, but also to respect and love their own bodies as creations of God. They shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies, but rather want to dress appropriately in order to show they respect
themselves and others. The way we dress and act should be a reflection of God.
But does that mean we have to remain covered from head to toe? Does that mean we shouldn’t want to wear clothes or bathing suits that fit us correctly because other people don’t? I think that’s going a little too far to suggest and put into someone’s head. I believe it is that mentality that is over-sexualizing faithful Christians who do want to remain pure and respect the
purity of others, but in the end, it is making anything that could lead someone into sinning a sin, and that’s not good theology.
Hi Amy,
Well, to your first point: I grew up in and currently live in Southern California where it’s also hot for a majority of the time, and I grew up visiting enough beach cities
to know that a bikini top and shorts is just the norm in the summertime. My point about the desire to “show off that beach body and summertime swimsuit” was speaking more to the idea of posting pictures on Facebook. And I didn’t say it was malicious (it never was for me so why would I assume it is for any other
ladies?). Why else do we post pictures on Facebook if not to share them with other people? I wasn’t trying to imply that we do this in a negative or sexual way; just that we have a desire to post pictures for other people—if this weren’t true then Facebook wouldn’t exist.
“Thus, the body may be partially bared for physical labour, for bathing, or for a medical examination. If then we wish to pass a moral judgment on particular forms of dress we have to start from the particular functions which they serve”
Ok, let’s take Blessed JPII at his word. What purpose
does a bathing suit serve? Bathing. (And, ok, tanning too 🙂 ). So we can, and should, ask the question: Do breasts need to be bared to the extent that they often are in order to take a dip in the pool or the ocean? Does that much skin need to be showing? Is it even practical half the time or do we end up fighting with the waves to keep our bathing suits on?
I don’t think that Blessed John Paul’s words here by any means excuse any and every kind of swimwear as modest or appropriate.
So moving onto my “bad theology”…
“The idea that anything that could lead someone to sin is a sinful action is bad theology”
I’d like to point out once again that I did not say anywhere in my post that it is a sin to wear a bikini. Many have projected that into my words, but it’s simply not there.
When Pious XII was pope, he had this to say to Catholic Young Woman’s Groups of Italy:
“We have to prefer the spiritual welfare of our neighbor to our bodily comforts. If a certain kind of dress constitutes a grave and proximate occasion of sin, and endangers the salvation of your soul and others, it is your duty to give it up”
If we love our brothers who have told us that the way we dress often leads them to struggle with sin, why would we not give this up?
Also, I have heard (and I do love) that story of the bishops walking down the street. I do think it would be a different story if the woman was wearing a bikini 😛
Christ’s Peace.
Thank you for the time to reply Mary. I totally agree that some bikini’s are completely inappropriate, as well as some one piece suits, but I don’t by any means think that all bikini’s are inappropriate, and that was one of my points with the quote from Love and Responsibility. I wear a two-piece, but it is one that doesn’t fly
off in the waves of get pulled off by my children. It’s similar to what a
swimmer would wear. I understand your quote from Pope Pious XII, but honestly, even a one-piece suit could cause someone to sin. Heck, even jeans can cause someone to sin. Shorts, shoulders, and even to some extent in some cultures, eyes, hair and wrists can lead someone to sin. So back to the Love and Responsibility quote – it is not our fault that someone struggles with an oversexualized mentality where they sexualize an outfit we wear with pure intentions. When are we going to start expecting men to control themselves? To expect them to “shun” away every time they see a woman’s body? What are these men going to do when they have daughters? Or when their daughter’s friends come over? Not every man is like that. I know many. This mindset is dangerous because it takes pure actions that aren’t meant to be sexual in nature, and sexualizes them. This in turn is not helping men or women, but rather hindering them from seeing themselves and others in the image of God instead of just being a mere image or object.
I completely agree with all points made! Thank you for pointing out common sense remarks!
Mary, thanks. Not only for a great article, but for rising above some really sad and ignorant comments. True beauty from a truly “strong woman.” Keep at it! Praying for you, and looking forward to more good things from you.
These comments are crazy. I agree, it IS like taking a picture of yourself in panties and bra. To each their own. One day, your employer is going to look at that and you better hope he is some hot and horny male, let me tell you.
I just learned in religion class today (and yes, i go to a catholic high school) an we learned that adam and eve weren’t ashamed of being naked until satan told them to eat from the tree of good and evil. Then after eating, they became ashamed because sin was put into this world and bow they saw their exposed body parts as sexual objects. This article made me think of that haha. It’s a shame that we see a body that was made to be good turned into something bad cause of that one temptation to sin.
I would lose some respect for a girl i am interested in to pop up with a bikini because her body is not for the eyes of anyone but her husband. The same can be said for guys as well who go around showing off there body. It is not about being offended by our anatomy, its about having respect for our body because we are not simply an animal. Try applying some basic logic next time… never mind her is a starter. sex is claimed to be really special even by atheist, then turn around adn say we can do it with whom ever when ever..well if it is special then you cant do it whenever wherever..the same applies to the human body and how it is expressed…cant follow…then pray for the grace of reason.
I don’t get what the big deal is, honestly. What if as part of my personality I love the beach and swimming and running in the sand? Do I have to take an extra step to cover up before a photo op? A photo is a memory of things you love….I see no reason to present it to others differently. If you are not comfortable in a 2 piece, don’t wear one.
I’m a woman and if a man has a good body…….I tend to think of him a lot more sexually than if he doesn’t. Just sayin
Don’t advertise what you aren’t selling. . .
Strange fundamental Catholicism actauly turns people away from the church and, more particularly, christ. I’m pretty sure thats why theres hundreds of Liberals and non-religious persons commenting on this article. Mary, you think you are doing something to help change the culture and protect the dignity of women. In actaullity, you are making you opinion seem like Catholic dogma. The church onced teached something similar to what you are preaching but now they recoqnize that such teachings are, not only the futile, but actaully obscure a deep, rich, teaching on the nature of sexuality. And so, they remain silent. As a man, I understand the simple fact that men will lust over almost anything. If Catholics women decided to cover themselves in ways similar to middle-eastern women, men would probably lust over their eye. Jeans reveal a womens figure, lets get rid of them. The leg was a major sex symbol in America for man years, better get them skirts down to the ankle. Wait, on second thought, make sure they cover the ankle, someone will find that atractive as well. In conculsion, if you ever want anyone to take the church seriously on the issue of sexuality, get off the ultra-conservitive modisty kick.
Thank you Mary! I couldn’t agree more!
I have one question…is there any difference in these girls wearing a bikini in public, where anyone and everyone can see them, and posting a picture on facebook, where the girls can choose their own privacy settings? I agree that there is no difference between a bikini and a bra and panties. In many cases the bra and panties cover more than the bikini.
Main reason would be because porn companies “borrow” these photos for their web sites
[…] reasons to not post your bikini pictures on […]
Excellent article, Mary!!! I saw this article off of my coworker’s FB wall (interestingly enough, he is a guy) and I thoroughly enjoyed it and agreed with it. As a guy who is attempting to follow Christ, I have been and will continue to encourage girls (and guys) to dress and act modestly, especially around persons of the opposite sex. Thank-you so much for your standards and for your article. May God richly bless you!
Rock on, sister! 🙂
5 should be that a priest may take advantage of it
Great article with wise advice, Mary! Thanks for posting. I definitely will share it.
Suppressing this and being offended by that……on and on it goes. People blinded by their own “wisdom” just refuse to get the simplicity of modesty. Got a great, hard body? Good for you but the only reason to show it off is vanity. Thanks Mary for a great article!
So…. I’m not a “good guy” because I’m not a bible thumping christian. Basically what you’re saying. Unless you are an older person, or a homosexual, then you may hide these kind of pictures from your news feed. You are completely and utterly WRONG. There are plenty of good guys out there, that won’t hide these pictures, because they are freaking humans, you’re assuming that all guys are looking and just getting instantly sexually aroused. In all honestly, many “good guys” look at the photo and say…. Wow, how lucky would I have to be to have a girl as beautiful and perfect as that. You’re point of view on this topic is childish, you’re talking as if you were a 14 year old girl. Get real.
Wow, Mary, what a great article. God bless you!!
AMEN!! You said it!! Many hands up to you!! Thank you for posting this from your point of view. So many others need to see this from a young womans perspective about Modesty and the “Type” of guys we should be attracting.
Mary, so many agree, as I do, but I just want you to cheer up, grin and bear those who have not agreed with you.
They fly the flag of “this is 2012”, or “sounds like a Muslim”, or “harks back to the middle ages”, and many other things to excuse their own lack of respect, if not disrespect, for their own bodies and the spiritual and moral integrity of the public viewer.
You have spoken well, and I applaud you.
I am male, mature, no prude, have been around many blocks, and you are dead center correct.
Thank you Mary!! I am a Christian guy and I agree with what you wrote 100%. God Bless
you go girl! Stand up for what you believe, regardless of what others say! This is a well written article, and i pray my daughter will think like you and be conservative…show a man the beauty of her smile and her countenance, not her body, no matter what anyone says to her! You will be rewarded for your choice!
Americans are just too sensitive. Most countries this is a none-issue. America and the middle-east are then only places that reguard this as un-clean or substandard.
I’d hate to say this… but I’d say it anyway… coz nobody might spend the time telling you the Truth.
I mean… WOW! You must really be the “UGLY” sort to say things like these. Only “UGLY” girls say that putting on make-up and showing off your body is detrimental to womanhood.
C’mon, nowadays (and also during the Renaissance) guys put on make-up, jewelry, and clothes worn exclusively by girls before. (Or is it the other way around?… Girls stealing guys’ fashion style centuries ago and calling it their own?… anyway…)
Real beautiful guys and girls have the self-confidence to show off their bodies even if competitively speaking the opposite is true. The important thing here is that you are happy with your life, happy with your body, and happy enough to show it off to the world. Because, that’s what we are, we are sexual beings. Why hide it?
Posting yourself in bikini is not like being nude to the world. There’s a big difference. You’re probably the conservative type. If your not up to showing yourself in this particular way, do not poison the minds of the uninhibited others.
Our bodies are beautiful coz, depending on what you believe, God made this; it’s perfected evolution; it’s what the Universe wants us to look like. Who are we to hide it?
Who cares what your colleagues think? Let them drool in aspiration.
Who cares what your future boss thinks? This is proof of confidence.
Who cares what your Uncle Bob or Jim thinks? You think it would be creepy to realize they find you attractive in that bikini of yours?
You would be surprised to realize that your parents technically fell in love with you when you came out butt naked, crying, and oozing in blood and baby liquid.
Get real girl.
>Because the good guys (i.e. – the guys you want to date) will choose to “hide” those pictures from their newsfeeds anyway
>implying any straight male does that
Great article Mary! Thank you so much for writing it!!
People walk around on the beach in Bikinis all the time. What’s the difference. I tell you what you religious freak, just keep spurting out fairy tales from the fictional Bible, attacking gay marriage, abortions and professing priests who rape little choir boys are A OK in you book. What are you guys ADHD, you can’t focus on a few things and leave the rest alone. And if you are ugly like someone else mentioned, might I suggest a potato sack over the head, that way we get the benefit of not looking at you or hearing your bullshit
Your words completely tell on yourself and shoot yourself in your own foot, bro. You don’t like it? What in the world are you even doing reading it, then? You don’t even know her, and you’re sayiing she thinks priests who rape are okay? You’re not making yourself look good here. You just want to keep your little world uninerrupted by accountability and modesty, so you get frustrated when others value self dignity and the dignity of their spouse (or future spouse if not married). If you don’t wanna live like that, there are plenty of others that don’t either where you can wallow with them somewhere. But you gotta at least respect someone who is bold enough to go counter-culture with modesty and encouraging other girls to do the same. Leave’m alone.
OK Mikechrisperry, lets go with that thought process. More clothes = more respect. So perhaps you should send your daughter to Iraq or Iran. She will be covered from head to toe with just a slit for her eyes. With all that body coverage she’s bound to get tons of respect there…beaten, raped, stoned, killed. OK so you would prefer her to stay close to home and marry a good christian guy…gotcha…but what if after 5-10 years he starts drinking excessively, berating her, beating her, cheating on her, etc…what then? You don’t want to break the sanctity of marriage. How respected and happy do you think she will feel then. I have read the Bible, I have been to Church on Sunday, I have some religious friends and I denounce it all. Why? For one, I had a born again christian say to me straight faced, with passages in the Bible as reference, that the man is the ruler of the house and is to be respected. If he beats the wife, she should not leave because of the sanctity of marriage.
Respect is an additude girls, not what you wear. If you are walking on the beach in a bikini, your boyfriend hits you and you tell him to hit the road, you have far more respect for yourself than a girl dressed head to toe who allows her husband to beat her.
Also, hate to burst your bubble, but waiting to have sex until marriage is stupid too. When a guy is courting you, he will be the nicest guy until he gets into your pants. After a few times in the sack, you have a better chance of seeing the real guy. Look for a guy who treats you as an equal, a 50/50 partner, respects your interests, dreams, ideas and opinions. Only when you settle for nothing but respect will you have respect…no matter what you wear.
Oh, and by the way, waiting for sex till marriage is not stupid. It makes sure a guy is giving his all before she gives him her intimacy. Of course, the hope is that she’s committed to a guy who has a higher standard and respect for her than you do. Sex was not intended to be the litmus test of a person’s character, but rather the reward of one who has the character worthy of the woman.
Mary your reasons for not showing off with a bikini are spot on and well voiced. Many may disagree with you, but most know down deep that you are right. “He doth protest too much” comes to mind.
It always amazes me how hard people will fight to make others feel bad about making a “moral” choice. Be encouraged and keep writing.
Although this article had one fair point (that professionalism is important, especially in the academic world), I mostly found it to be stigmatizing, oppressive, and sexist. The entirety of the post is built around the premise that the female body (and female body only) is sexualized, tempting, and should be covered. Although this belief is archaic and seen in most major religions (Judaist hair covering, the Muslim hijab, etc.), Christianity is especially important in the structure of American culture. Without the biblical story of Adam and Eve, I doubt that our culture would as severely cast the blame on females (and their bodies) alone. Needless to say, I think that is entirely sexist to say that only one gender should cover up. I understand that morality is important in religions, and that’s perfectly fine, but I think it’s also sexist if it only applies to one gender. To not recognize that both genders are equally responsible for their sexualities and how they represent themselves further perpetuates the sexism already existent in our culture.
Second, I think the way that this article made assumptions about ‘good guys- i.e. the guys you would want to date’ is completely idiotic (for lack of a better word). For one, this article is supposed to be based on Christian ideology. From what I understand, Jesus Christ is the only person who can judge, and his followers are supposed to practice acceptance and forgiveness. As a result, I find it extremely judgmental for the writer to lump men into these categories (good guys, bad guys) based on whether or not they block your pictures.
“Assuming the guy you’re interested in is a good guy trying to do the right thing, he will not want to objectify you by reducing you to a mere collection of body parts.”
This statement is utterly ridiculous. First off, this comment judges (again) and assumes that men can only look at a female body in a sexual manner. In addition to stigmatizing the female body, it stigmatizes the male by assuming that they cannot look at a female body without having horny, objectifying thoughts.
Lastly, I think it’s utterly ridiculous that some article is undermining my free choice. Ladies, if you want to wear a bikini and be religious, wear a bikini and be religious. If you want to practice abstinence, practice abstinence. But don’t let this insanely hypocritical woman dictate your life, your decisions, and what you think is moral.
[…] 4 Reasons to Keep Bikini Pictures off FaceBook – This one’s for teen girls and their parents. The Summer is coming… that means a whole bunch of teen girls will be posting pictures of themselves and their friends in their bathingsuits online for the world to see. Here are four reasons why that’s not such a good idea. This one’s worth sharing (probably via private message, posting it on someone’s profile page might come off as a bit judgmental). […]
Ya! Couldn’t have said it better myself 🙂
I agree!!!!!!!!!!!
Awesome! Praise God! Amen!
Thank you Mary for this blog!! I loved it! No matter what anyone says it was amazing:) I’m a teenage girl and I agree with you! Because I don’t know what God is calling me to do; marriage or religious life but I know for a fact that I do not want my future husband to be looking at women innapropriatly.
[…] http://www.marypearsonblog.com/2012/05/4-reasons-to-not-upload-those-bikini-pictures-this-summer/ Share this:TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestTumblrEmailPrintLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. […]
I’m very proud of you, sister. These are awesome reasons for not posting. Those who disagree just don’t understand or care about reserving one’s body for just their partner. They don’t hold that as valuable or precious. Most of us guys want to see another woman’s body, and many of us use the excuse that “oh, we’re just lookin.” Our eyes are supposed to only be for our partner, not just our hands. Takes a real man to make a commitment like that, though.
This article is so pointless. If you’re not comfortable putting a bikini picture on Facebook why would you wear one in public? If you’re against being “objectified” then don’t wear one all together. Keep in mind though, people will “objectify” you whether you’re in a turtleneck or a swimsuit. Its biology. People will think freely whatever they want about your body no matter if you are comfortable with it or not. So you might as well wear what makes you feel best and worry about what is going on in your head rather than everyone else’s.
If the comments advocating pornography and sexually illicit photos are from Catholic posters, I am truly ashamed at this moment. There are such incredibly good reasons to avoid things such as the author is writing about, and human sexuality is beautiful when taken in proper context (read Theology of the Body, I dare you).
But, of course, many of you immediately resort to “It takes away my freedom.” Fools. Go ahead, be ‘free’ in the way secular society wants you to be. Be ‘free’ from God and happiness. Be ‘free’ to destroy your soul slowly with porn and meaningless sex. Make your lives purposeless. Go ahead, no one is stopping you.
And, many years from now, when you are miserable because you never got married, or because your marriages failed, or because they were never healthy, and you don’t know how to love, please don’t cry out against God, because He didn’t do it to you. You did. Just turn back to Him and go to confession. He is always ready to accept you.
Poor, lost children of Eve! When shall we escape this valley of tears? When we let ourselves be freed, by God and not by the World.
Soporus… you are free to display your body. Why is it that when a young girl WITH SOME SENSE voices her opinion, you must treat it as though she gave you an edict? She’s writing this to the girl who is thoughtful and understands that she is special and a prize and actually worth something. The girl who knows she’s not an object and has no desire to be an object. If that’s not you, then just move along.
Mary, this is incredible. I really could not have said it better myself honesty. This was my little wake up call to hide such pictures quite a while back when I first read it. I think of it as an act of charity, along the lines of clothing the naked. God bless!
Mary, I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Obviously it’s not just women who have to dress modestly – men do too, but it’s completely true that the overwhelming majority of men are more visual than women. Therefore seeing a bikini photo of a girl definitely has an effect on them. All of your points are spot on. Thank you for sharing this and standing for your beliefs. Don’t let anyone convince you that what you think is wrong because it’s not. 🙂
this is NOT about body anatomy, is about SELF respect, about MODESTY, about VALUES, and Mary has shown exactly that, she is trying to reach all those teenage girls that “believe” the fashion is cool and are misleaded by the media and those who want make money…..You do whatever you want, but Mary has great points…Most of “good” men, don’t want their future wives in the internet almost naked or in underwear….Mary you did a great job, keep respecting your body, the body that God created for us to be temples of Jesus Christ. Respect it. God bless you!
My recently purchased book of formulas is EVIL. All it does is reduce the authors down to their equations! Frankly, I am disgusted that a publisher would facilitate having someone treated like a cow used only for it’s milk.
I SHOULD KNOW THE LIFE STORY, BELIEFS AND POLITICAL POINTS OF VIEW OF EVERYONE I DERIVE ANY JOY OR USE FROM AT ALL. Right now, sporting events just show the pictures of the players faces, their university, and them saying their name. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. I DEMAND AN 8:1 RATIO OF INTRODUCTION TO ACTUAL PLAYING OF SPORTS.
In some countries, women can’t post pictures of themselves unless they are covered in a burqa. They justify that rule using arguments that are very similar to this article.
Yes, well fortunately, no one here is arguing for federal legislation– just a little common sense and self-respect on the individual level. Self awareness and education can be very empowering.
Words fitly spoken by Mary. Thanks for taking the time to express them.
This proverb is my favorite concerning this matter.
“A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a pig with a golden ring in its snout”
@ Mary – thank
you for your very honest, little understood, and brave message.
@ the haters –
male, female – nature, nurture. Does it matter? Objectively speaking, our culture has been
male dominated from the beginning of its
founding (America specifically). Women have been
making strides relatively recently from a historical perspective.
However,
there is still a long way to go. In the
pursuit of being truly “equal” in the eyes of society, we have been
told a lot of things. We have been told
that we have to be more “alike” to be truly “equal”. Is this true?
Instead of striving to be recognized by men as “equally worthy of
respect and power” in society, we have been trying to “be more like
men”. We are expected to be
promiscuous without regard to family, love, marriage (sounds like a male
fantasy to me in regard to a male dominated societal perspective). We are expected to take physically altering
drugs (contraceptives) – has anyone asked themselves why no one invented
something that changed a man? We take
all the risks and all the responsibility when it comes to our reproductive
health. Why is that?
As a
Catholic, I have never felt repressed. I
have always felt an equal to my brothers in Christ. Why?
Core Catholic teachings (which the average person knows nothing about)
have historically promoted respect for men and women and encouraged them to
interact as equals in matters of being deserving of love, respect, and
importance. The Catholic definition of being
human, to paraphrase for those who have never studied Catholic doctrine, is
that we have mental, emotional, physical and spiritual components. Mainstream culture seems overly obsessed with
the physical component of humanity. In
both Catholic and mainstream culture, clothing is seen as a form of
“self-expression”. As a woman
who sees herself from a Catholic point of view, I want my clothing to draw
focus to who I am as a whole person, not just my physical appearance. I think that, whoever you are, no one likes
to be judged. The fact is though,
everyone does judge. Knowing that, I
dress in a way that will form others opinions of me in the way that I want. If I am looking for purely a physical
relationship with someone, I would wear clothing that advertised it – a bikini
for instance. If I’m looking to connect
with someone on a mental, emotional, physical, AND spiritual level, I would
dress more conservatively so that my physical beauty would not distract others
from my whole self. That is what it means
to be Catholic. It is not repression,
but merely looking at the facts about human nature, taking them for what they
are, and acting accordingly. Remember –
Adam and Eve didn’t need clothing.
Why? They were whole, and full of
the grace of God. They were free and
equal and loved each other wholly. The
world we live in now and the people who shape it (including me) are not so
perfect. Whether you be a man or woman,
visual temptation is real. We are
tempted to see only what is outside, and don’t care for what’s inside. Would you talk to the boy or girl who looks a
little different or who didn’t have a
“hot bod”? Maybe you are
missing out on your soul mate.
Anyway, before you
accuse, judge, or scorn the beliefs and actions of others, do a little
homework. The most respected human being
in Catholic history was a woman. God
left redemption of the human race to the free choice of Mary the mother of
Jesus – and for those of you not familiar with the Gospel – she said
“yes” on behalf of the human race releasing God’s grace to the world
once again in the form of our Savior. We
do have the ability to love each other as whole people. Clothing can be a tool to help us along.
@ Mary – thank
you for your very honest, little understood, and brave message.
@ the haters –
male, female – nature, nurture. Does it matter? Objectively speaking, our culture has been
male dominated from the beginning of its
founding (America specifically). Women have been
making strides relatively recently from a historical perspective.
However,
there is still a long way to go. In the
pursuit of being truly “equal” in the eyes of society, we have been
told a lot of things. We have been told
that we have to be more “alike” to be truly “equal”. Is this true?
Instead of striving to be recognized by men as “equally worthy of
respect and power” in society, we have been trying to “be more like
men”. We are expected to be
promiscuous without regard to family, love, marriage (sounds like a male
fantasy to me in regard to a male dominated societal perspective). We are expected to take physically altering
drugs (contraceptives) – has anyone asked themselves why no one invented
something that changed a man? We take
all the risks and all the responsibility when it comes to our reproductive
health. Why is that?
As a
Catholic, I have never felt repressed. I
have always felt an equal to my brothers in Christ. Why?
Core Catholic teachings (which the average person knows nothing about)
have historically promoted respect for men and women and encouraged them to
interact as equals in matters of being deserving of love, respect, and
importance. The Catholic definition of being
human, to paraphrase for those who have never studied Catholic doctrine, is
that we have mental, emotional, physical and spiritual components. Mainstream culture seems overly obsessed with
the physical component of humanity. In
both Catholic and mainstream culture, clothing is seen as a form of
“self-expression”. As a woman
who sees herself from a Catholic point of view, I want my clothing to draw
focus to who I am as a whole person, not just my physical appearance. I think that, whoever you are, no one likes
to be judged. The fact is though,
everyone does judge. Knowing that, I
dress in a way that will form others opinions of me in the way that I want. If I am looking for purely a physical
relationship with someone, I would wear clothing that advertised it – a bikini
for instance. If I’m looking to connect
with someone on a mental, emotional, physical, AND spiritual level, I would
dress more conservatively so that my physical beauty would not distract others
from my whole self. That is what it means
to be Catholic. It is not repression,
but merely looking at the facts about human nature, taking them for what they
are, and acting accordingly. Remember –
Adam and Eve didn’t need clothing.
Why? They were whole, and full of
the grace of God. They were free and
equal and loved each other wholly. The
world we live in now and the people who shape it (including me) are not so
perfect. Whether you be a man or woman,
visual temptation is real. We are
tempted to see only what is outside, and don’t care for what’s inside. Would you talk to the boy or girl who looks a
little different or who didn’t have a
“hot bod”? Maybe you are
missing out on your soul mate.
Anyway, before you
accuse, judge, or scorn the beliefs and actions of others, do a little
homework. The most respected human being
in Catholic history was a woman. God
left redemption of the human race to the free choice of Mary the mother of
Jesus – and for those of you not familiar with the Gospel – she said
“yes” on behalf of the human race releasing God’s grace to the world
once again in the form of our Savior. We
do have the ability to love each other as whole people. Clothing can be a tool to help us along …
Honestly, in jewish culture, it’s not sinful to be naked, it’s sinful to perve on people. I’m not saying that nudity is the same as bikinis, but it’s a somewhat relevant point. Girls shouldn’t have to feel bad, because some creep we don’t want looking at us can’t control themselves over some facebook pictures, like a 14 year old boy. Your attitude is one step away from “she was wearing that, she deserves to be raped,” which, I’ll note, no one ever says about a guy walking around without a shirt. If I’m friends with someone, then I clearly don’t mind them seeing what I look like. Plus, who really adds their future employer on facebook, without using privacy settings, and what future employer doesn’t expect that it’s normal that a social networking site will have pictures of their employee at the beach.
Furthermore, none of my bikini pictures even solicited a response from most people, and certainly not “Hot” or “Sexy.” Most people are normal, and saw exactly what they were, pictures of friends hanging out together. It’s only that weird people who has to over-sexualise everything.
Your “proof” is like a few guys max. Out of a much larger sample. Showing that you are quoting outliers, and expecting us to consider it representative of the sample. Furthermore, your entire approach is “guys are perving on you, cute boys don’t look at it, you want a boy who likes you for more than your body, you are thinking about that cute boy who might like your picture”. Firstly, you’re completely male obsessed, which is irritating, and frankly, most Christian boys, (assumably the target market for your readers) won’t date a girl they don’t find physically attractive anyway. When I post a picture, it’s not “Oh, that cute boy might like it, it’s “I’m proud of this body that God has given me, and/or these friends that God has given me, and I’m going to post a picture to share it because other people might like it.
Furthermore, Christian boys are exposed to pornographic images like the rest of us, and they develop responses to deal with it. It’s not our fault as females whether they can or can’t deal the human form in it’s natural environment.
Arg. So frustrated.
No woman deserves to be raped. Ever.
Period. End of discussion.
I’m sorry that I’ve frustrated you. I am not blaming women for anything. The guy’s actions are the guy’s actions.
The body is not bad or shameful; it’s
beautiful and should be treated as such.
It’s great to see a different perspective on bikini shots. There is a hell lot of pressure on young women and men nowadays, as if our bodies are being pitted against each other in an arms race.
[…] bikini/bathing suit […]
This has to be a joke, right?
Girls post pictures of themselves wearing bikinis because they like the thought of guys drooling over them. Guys (even “good catholic guys,” don’t kid yourself) like it when girls post those pictures because it allows them to see what the girls they know look like with no clothes.
I personally enjoy jacking off to pictures of girls I’m about to hang out with. Or that I just got done hanging out with.
By the way, I’m a Christian, try to read my Bible daily, and attend church at least once a week. I also work in non-profit serving disadvantaged people. I would never talk like this in person, and people I know would never suspect that I do. I’m engaged to a great girl and have lots of girls as friends.
But none of that changes the fact that I fantasize about sleeping with all of them.
Since I’m being honest, I actually keep an encrypted folder on my computer with sexy shots of girls that I mostly got off of facebook. I borrowed a Christian friend’s computer once and found his folder (not encrypted), so I know I’m not the only one who does this.
I’m hoping your reply is the joke (for your “fiancee”‘s sake at least). In your daily Bible reading, have you ever come across Jesus’ saying that whoever looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart?
I get that you’re probably none of what you said, and that your comment was really just to mock me and what I’ve written, and that’s fine. It’s unfortunately true that many Christian men do struggle with lust, and there are a brave few do just that—struggle, because real men refuse to be ruled by their base passions.
Also, you’d fit in well with some of these guys
http://www.marypearsonblog.com/2012/05/what-guys-are-saying-about-those-fb-pics/
(that is, if you’re actually who you say you are and not some disgruntled teenaged girl trying to prove a point)
I enjoy, lead to I found just what I used to be looking for. You have ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye
I think bikini pictures can be posted but they should not too be revealing to induce nasty imagination.
http://t.co/uA0ETpC3ml
They can wear a bikini anytime, the only act is putting themselves out there for the whole world to see. But that’s on them, women know how cruel guys are in this world,rape is not a joke, murder is not a joke, and yet they wonder what triggers the mind of psychopath’s.All men desire sex at some point, did no one hear what happens to majority of girls on the internet for things like this?
@youngncatholic http://t.co/z46TespUZJ great article 🙂 #birthdaygiveaway
Well I have to be honest, when I see a girl in a bikini I am turned on. I just wanna fuck that pussy till she cums. N then I’m over it. Just like any other dude, it’s a natural response. Although a picture doesn’t have the same impact, if you want to show off what u got go ahead and post. Some of my friends that are girls I can’t just approach and tell me I think they are incredibly hot and How they make me feel. Cuz in reality it’s not practical and just can’t be done (without going into too much detail). Thank you to those girls for posting them sexy bikini pics cuz that’s the closest I could get to fulfilling my curiosity and fantasies. (Im in a relationship but I can’t deny being attracted to other women around me .) A sexy girl in a bikini is HOT! A sexy girl in a bikini you’ve dreamed of hooking up with is even hotter! Thank you to all the beautiful ladies for the bikini posts !!
Recommended for you from a Pastor
good read
Hello, I would just like to share my opinion, if you don’t mind (I will be as polite as possible). In regards to the third reason you wrote, bikinis and lingerie are two completely different things. Bras/underwear are meant to be under clothes and aren’t supposed to be seen. Swimsuits are not supposed to be covered by clothes. That is the whole point of wearing them. It is okay for them to be seen. If I can post a selfie in the clothes I wore out to dinner, which are appropriate and acceptably seen, then why are bikinis different. Next, about the fourth reason. This specifically is about me. I know that I am beautiful, not to sound conceited. I don’t need anyone to tell me that. That is not why I post selfies in the first place. I post them because I am happy and confident with my body. That is what I was taught in school. If I feel good in my bikini then I want to show it. Now, about the second reason (I’m going really out of order, sorry). You were hinting towards the fact that boys may do inappropriate things when they see my picture. Not to be rude, but how is what THEY do MY problem? If they want to commit a sin, there is nothing I CAN and WILL do about it. I posted my selfie to show a wonderful memory in which I just happened to be in a bikini. If they can’t control themselves for two seconds, maybe they shouldn’t be allowed to have social media accounts in the first place. What they do on their own time is NOT my business. And finally, about your first reason, I am posting this selfie because I WANT people to see it. If I didn’t want anyone to see my selfie, I wouldn’t post it! You have to accept that somethings are just out of your control! With a private account I can control, for the most part, who can see my posts. People have to realize that they can’t control their whole world. They can’t just live in a bubble. And sorry, not sorry, but I will NEVER change what I do and how I live my life just because some perverted kids can’t control themselves. I refuse.
Hello, I would just like to share my opinion, if you don’t mind (I will be as polite as possible). In regards to the third reason you wrote, bikinis and lingerie are two completely different things. Bras/underwear are meant to be under clothes and aren’t supposed to be seen. Swimsuits are not supposed to be covered by clothes. That is the whole point of wearing them. It is okay for them to be seen. If I can post a selfie in the clothes I wore out to dinner, which are appropriate and acceptably seen, then why are bikinis different. Next, about the fourth reason. This specifically is about me. I know that I am beautiful, not to sound conceited. I don’t need anyone to tell me that. That is not why I post selfies in the first place. I post them because I am happy and confident with my body. That is what I was taught in school. If I feel good in my bikini then I want to show it. Now, about the second reason (I’m going really out of order, sorry). You were hinting towards the fact that boys may do inappropriate things when they see my picture. Not to be rude, but how is what THEY do MY problem? If they want to commit a sin, there is nothing I CAN and WILL do about it. I posted my selfie to show a wonderful memory in which I just happened to be in a bikini. If they can’t control themselves for two seconds, maybe they shouldn’t be allowed to have social media accounts in the first place. What they do on their own time is NOT my business. And finally, about your first reason, I am posting this selfie because I WANT people to see it. If I didn’t want anyone to see my selfie, I wouldn’t post it! You have to accept that somethings are just out of your control! With a private account I can control, for the most part, who can see my posts. People have to realize that they can’t control their whole world. They can’t just live in a bubble. And sorry, not sorry, but I will NEVER change what I do and how I live my life just because some perverted kids can’t control themselves. I refuse. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Most of your points have already been addressed in previous replies to comments (this post is a few years old). I am certainly not advocating that anyone “live in a bubble.” I just think it’s good and charitable to think about how our actions might affect others and–within reason–adjust accordingly. We can’t control everything, but we can control some things, like the way we dress and what we put on the internet for the world to see.
Just one blogger’s opinion, and you’re free to disagree.
Perhaps what I will say will offer some insight and generate some compassion. I’m a senior citizen now and I’ll tell you a bit of my story. I’ve talked with men about this and men are different. In adolescence my hormones were so strong that trying to resist them was like trying to swim up Niagara Falls. I was raised (family and community) in a very sexually oppressive environment. If I saw a girl in a bikini top riding a bicycle I literally would be in pain until I found a time and place where I could masturbate. There was no one I could tell because it was just too embarrassing. I could not even ask to see a counselor because in my environment that was seen as an admittance that you were insane. Sex, for all practical purposes, was supposed to be non-existent. To try to find a willing partner and make out with her was unthinkable even though my hormones were screaming to do that. So I had to rely on masturbation which relieved the pain but did not give real satisfaction. It took me decades to for me to get over my shyness and start meeting members of the opposite sex. But for most of my adulthood there was this constant pain. I came to a realization that women don’t quite understand the power that they often have over men–especially adolescents and young men. I did go to counseling and was taught things that did not conform to Catholic dogma. But it helped. I now believe that at least for some boys there should be some kind of safe, simple interaction with a female to “just get over” some super-strong impulses. I always felt intuitively that If I could have had this kind of opportunity I wouldn’t had had to carry around, most of my life, this horrid crunched up feeling regarding sexuality. Wearing bikinis and posting pictures of yourself in one is fine; just understand how much power you may be exerting on someone. And try to change society so that there are safe sexual outlets.
Reason not to wear a bikini to the beach.
1. You don’t know who will see you. Am sure if all the people their you can find one guy who is no good.
One of your friends could snap a pic, or worse some random dude and post it to social media
2. Because the good guys won’t go out with someone who values themselves so little they will reduce themselves to a collection of limbs and body parts.
3 because you would never wear panties to the beach
Did you? Let’s stop pretending bikinis are different from bra and panties.
4 because you beauty is more then your body.
Do you really want some guy at the beach just because you have nice abs? Do you think no one their will say: “DAYUUM!” Or what a nice piece of ass.
fuck this article more feminzai leftist bullshit from gloria steinem
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