Ok, so “stupid-head” may not be the most charitable descriptor, but the point is: sometimes other people say or do things that hurt us or, at the very least, make us angry.
Of course, we have all heard that the Christian thing to do is to “turn the other cheek,” “forgive and forget,” and other clichés. We also know that Scripture tells us that we ought not be surprised at trials and hardships—and that we especially shouldn’t be surprised at insults and persecutions that come as a result of our preaching the Gospel. Jesus told us plainly, “If they persecuted me, they will persecute you” (John 15:20).
But knowing all of that doesn’t always make it easy to handle when you’re just going about your business, being who you are and, all of a sudden, someone calls you fat and ugly for simply suggesting that bikinis may not be the most modest of swim attire (Speaking in strictly hypothetical terms, of course 🙂 ).
Not that I’m trying to make myself into some prophet or martyr being persecuted “for righteousness’ sake,” it’s just that dealing with rude remarks and hurt feelings is part of the deal in life—for all of us.
My mother, if she weren’t the holy and kind woman that she is, would be the first to tell you that I have a fuse about the size of thumbtack. I have most definitely been on the stupid-headed end of an exchange on more occasions than I wish to admit. But here’s the thing about stupid-headedness: when there are two bullies in the conversation, the finger can easily be pointed at either one as being the bad guy. When there’s only one, no finger needs to be pointed. It’s plain as day who the stupid-head is, as well as who is the one being unfairly bullied.
All that this means is that we need to rise above. We can’t engage in name-calling, heavy doses of sarcasm, or any other kind of verbal abuse even if it’s being thrown in our face (and it should go without saying that under no circumstances should we be the one to initiate conversations in any such manner). It’s never going to be an effective means of evangelization if these elements are present, and our entire life is meant to be a witness to Jesus Christ.
It doesn’t mean we have to be so serious in discussions and/or play the wounded puppy if other people are mean to us. It actually means just the opposite. Stupid-headedness doesn’t know how to react to cheerfulness. It expects the sarcastic reply or the insult hurled back at it. It gets caught off-guard when we have the courage to not take ourselves so seriously as to get offended at every rebuke. We know who we are: we are God’s children—who can be against us?
And of course, you always have the option to respectfully walk away from a conversation from a bully that simply has made it his or her goal to demoralize you.
I have had to deal with this type of persecution my whole life. No matter what I ever say, people seem to have a rude, snide, or mean response. So I simply quit talking. I know it is the wrong answer and sometimes when I feel absolutely convicted, I pitch in- like now. But I have learned that evil people are going to do evil things and my words will never stop people from being hateful. I have come to believe that most people argue so sternly (as opposed to friendly debating) because the Holy Spirit is burning inside their hearts with conviction and it ticks them off. People want freedom, but generally speaking most people don’t understand that freedom is only a good thing when it us accompanied with personal restraint. Everything is not always good and everything that is good is not always what you want.
MARY! You misused the phrase “turn the other cheek”!!! I think your blog is great but that’s a phrase that really grinds my gears when used incorrectly, and most of the time, it is used incorrectly.
When Christ said “turn the other cheek” he was not referring to ignoring aggression, but to standing up against it. If someone in Christs’ time had slapped someone they would do it with the back of their hand, which was used for ‘unclean’ purposes. If someone would turn the other cheek it was a challenge for equality and basically saying “hey, you. If I really did something that bad or wrong, slap me again and prove that you’re justified” It was basically a challenge.
I totally agree that we should rise above people when they call us names, but we should rise above them by challenging them and standing up for ourselves. Being cheerful is one way to do that, I agree. It’s just a huge pet peeve of mine when people say “turn the other cheek” and don’t understand its context, because we really should turn the other cheek!
Dude! You should go back and read Mary’s post again. She didn’t misuse the phrase “turn the other cheek” – in fact, she’s kind of saying the same thing you are. She states that this phrase is often turned into a cliché as “the Christian thing to do.” But I think you need to be careful not to take your explanation too far, as some type of passive-aggressive response. The quote comes from the Beatitudes, after all, and should be read in context. I’d encourage you to read Matt. 5:38-42, and not just bring your explanation to one verse (Matt. 5:39). I think you’ll find that Mary’s post today is spot-on!
I don’t think that what you’re saying necessarily contradicts this, but this is Thomas Aquinas’ interpretation of the verse:
I answer that,
Just as we need patience in things done against us, so do we need it in those
said against us. Now the precepts of patience in those things done against us
refer to the preparedness of the mind, according to Augustine’s (De Sermone
Domini in Monte i,19) exposition on our Lord’s precept, “If one strike
thee on thy right cheek, turn to him also the other”: that is to say, a
man ought to be prepared to do so if necessary. But he is not always bound to
do this actually: since not even did our Lord do so, for when He
received a blow, He said: “Why strikest thou Me?” (John 18:23).
Consequently the same applies to the reviling words that are said against us. For
we are bound to hold our minds prepared to submit to be reviled, if it should
be expedient. Nevertheless it sometimes behooves us to withstand against
being reviled, and this chiefly for two reasons. First, for the good of the
reviler; namely, that his daring may be checked, and that he may not repeat the
attempt, according to Proverbs 26:5, “Answer a fool according to his
folly, lest he imagine himself to be wise.” Secondly, for the good of many
who would be prevented from progressing in virtue on account of our being
reviled. Hence Gregory says (Hom. 9 super Ezech.): “Those who are so
placed that their life should be an example to others, ought, if possible, to
silence their detractors, lest their preaching be not heard by those who could
have heard it, and they continue their evil conduct through contempt of a good
life.”
Summa Theologica
Treatise on the Cardinal Virtues
Q72,A3
We’re not disagreeing on anything, and I agree with Thomas Aquinas and whoever “Pa” is (though I don’t appreciate being called ‘dude’) you’re post is spot on, it’s just that phrase that really grinds my gears, and you pointed out that it is used as a cliche, it’s a cliche that doesn’t make sense though. I know that wasn’t the focus of your post, but I can’t help but say something about it. Sorry if it came across as an attack.
Love this Mary. I was so upset when I read the comments on your last post, and they weren’t even directed at me! It seriously confuses me why people resort to name-calling. To disagree with someone and state the reasons why is one thing, but to insult someone’s faith and intelligence just because they don’t want to wear a binkini is ridiculous.
Why are people even reading this blog if they disagree so vehemently with religion or Catholic teaching? It’s one thing to be reading to learn more about someone else’s faith (even if you’re not going to convert- if you’re going to disagree with something presumably you understand it), and it’s another thing to just be a jerk and hurt someone else. Why it makes people feel good to hurt others is something I just don’t understand.
Woah. I had read the original article, but not looked at the comments until now. Ouch. Glad you’re taking it the way you are! Because you were 100% right …
right on!
Jesus definately said that persecutions were coming but he never told us to take them lying down. “I tell you I did not come to bring peace but a sword.” He did not sound too pacific there. I think that if we were told to forget all the bad things that happen to us either as individuals or as a group it would be pointless to be a Christian. Even God did not stay in heaven when we were constantly offending him, but came down, not only to die for us but to show us the way. silence is weakness. Silence is agreement. My friend was training to go to Afghanistan and was attending a military seminar on Afghan culture. The Muslim lady directing the seminar at one point went off on a tangent and called all Catholic priests “gay rapists.” Now what should anyone do in this circumstance? My buddy did a very inspiring act by initiating a harrassment suite the very next day against her and the military demanding that she be fired. When the lady caught wind of the suite filed against her she canceled her flight and drove back to the army base where the whole battalion was assembled to receive her apologies “for falsely attacking priests.” Not only did my friend defend the Church he also helped many of the other soldiers who did not know much about their faith to solidify it. How many ppl would have left believing the lady’s words? Our “not standing down” must not be strictly limited to our faith but also our professional and social life. Somtimes when someone throws you a verbal jab you should definately take it with a light heart even if it does hurt your pride. But there is always a limit. We cannot lose our dignity which is almost sacred. Sometimes if we lose our good name or dignity we lose our ability to be a leader. And all Christians are called to be leaders in their own way according to their vocation. Sometimes losing our good name will result in our losing apostolic effeciency. Everyone at work knows that I am a Christian and they know I do not take any insult that will put my on a lower level then my colleagues. At times a totally incoherent comment like “what a dumbass” can really make you lose esteem in their eyes especially if you just take it with a “haha how true” smile. There is no logical way to defend yourself from an attack like that except to turn around and say “f*** you.” It’s totally not Christian, but in a media filled world as ours logical arguments do not work. sometimes you just have to intimidate ppl into respecting you. All for the greater glory of God of course. Never stand down when souls are at risk. Don’t tell me there were not any blunt saints.
Well done, Mary, and nicely written! My experience has been that when people don’t have a well-reasoned, articulate, rational argument, they tend to resort to either obscene language or name calling.
Dear Mary, love reading your posts. You are a great inspiration to me. The very first thought i had when i began reading your posts was your self knowledge, a true gift. You have my prayers.
AS a mom of 8 sons and two religious daughters I can say we identify with the difficutlies of “standing Up” for our faith and balancing it with keeping our intergrity in place. You can stand CHEERFULLY in the face of hatred filled speach or even sternly but unflustered and strong, but you can not just let it slide by. You must “guard the perimeter” and not let any untruth slip by wt/out correction, but always with dignity and composure. It is an act of charity to them and those who hear scandal to have the truth stated so there can be no confusion as to the truth. They will know us by our friuts. Mary is right, dont get down on their level, live and speak with dignity and charity to prove them wrong just by our demeanor.