Tag Archives: Facebook

What Guys are Saying About Those FB Pics…

Before I get into this [again], I’d like to state that I’m really not trying to be dogmatic about this whole bikini thing.  No, there’s no ban on bikinis anywhere in the Catechism, and no, I’m not saying that if you wear one you’re damned to Hell.

However, I got a lot of feedback from women last week who just weren’t all that convinced by my 4 reasons to keep bikini pictures off Facebook (Apparently my word is not law after all…oh well).

So, while recognizing that you’re completely entitled to your own opinion and are free to make your own decisions and all that whatnot, I’d just like all of you ladies to be a tad more informed on what is actually going on in the minds of some of the more outspoken boys (clearly, not men) of the interweb.  In their own words—in response to my bold claim that there actually exist decent men out there who are inclined to hide bikini pictures from their Facebook newsfeeds:

  • “Well I know I hide the bikini shots….saving them is hiding them, right?”
  • “On #2, when they talk about hiding it, does that mean saving it to that special folder on my desktop?”
  • “As if any man would “hide” your bikini body on his newsfeed. Whoever told her that was either lying or gay”
  • “She is kind of right in that some women just want to post pics of a fun day WITMY GURLZ without realizing that dudes will be ogling the **** out of those pics on FB”
  • “Right click + save IS the Hide function, you nitwit!”
  • “75% of men look and 25% lie”
  • “Seriously man who needs porn when Facebook exists” 

And the comment that I found the most disturbing (not to mention misguided, as there have been countless studies showing the negative/addictive effects of pornography):

  • “…my point is that ‘objectifying’ doesn’t really go too far. A man who is mature and smart enough to separate fantasy from reality does no harm in using a random facebook woman to model for his imagination. No harm done in the real world.”

I realize that the Internet has a way of bringing out the creeps, weirdos, and pervs of the world, but keep in mind that Facebook is also a part of the Internet.   To sum all of this up with the words of another male commentator: “I have thought for a long time that if women understood the way men’s brains worked, they wouldn’t dress the way they do.”

And I stand by my statement.  The truly mature and smart men out there (yes, the ones you want to date and be friends with), will not objectify you.  As one such man puts it:

I confess that I am one of those guys who hides the bikini pictures on my Facebook news feed. So what do I think about this? …Guys, ultimately, whatever goes on in your head is your responsibility and that girl on the beach is not making you sin. But…girls…we need help…

Us men have no idea what it’s like to be a woman and to go through the struggles you go through. You do incredible things and we’re kind of left standing around like a bunch of half-witted louts wondering how exactly you girls do what you do. But on the same level of intellectual honesty, you have no idea what it’s like to be a man. And for Christian guys, the struggle of taking dominion over our masculinity is that much harder. Our identity in Christ forms us into men who want to put the Lord first in our lives. But our culture is all about objectifying women and turning them into vehicles for lust. There is tremendous cultural pressure for us to go along with that, and it is a daily battle, nay, a daily war that we fight to keep it at bay. It is the grace of God and nothing else that keeps us pure and waiting on Him.

But sisters, we need help. When we hang out with our Christian sisters, it is a place of safety for us. Or at least it should be. We need to be able to trust that you are going to place your trust in God… just as we fight to protect you. And it is so hard to fight that battle when our Christian sisters are dressing in the same swimsuits that the world finds fashionable. We are fighting to respect you and trust me when I say that those bikinis do not help.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, straight from the mouths of men (and boys).  It’s your decision whether or not to listen.



Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?  If you answered “yes,” then allow me to share something with you that my uncle shared with me when I was younger.  That person you’re dating right now?  One of two things is going to happen: You’re either going to one day get married, or you’re going to break up.  And I hate to say it, but odds are that you’re more likely to break up (it’s a funny little thing called statistics).

I’m not saying this to bring you down; I’m saying this so that you’ll keep things in perspective.  Yes, the guy/girl who dumped you may be a jerk that didn’t realize what he/she had, but there’s no reason why your world has to end because of it.  And just as relevant, there’s no reason why you need to go on a yearlong mission to prove (through Facebook albums, partying, or serial dating) just how “over him” you are.   Fact is: when it comes to dating, break ups are pretty common.  Dramatic and public “mini-divorces” between you and your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend should not be.

As my uncle would say, the only way to avoid the pain and the drama of the “mini-divorce” is to not enter into the “mini-marriage” in the first place.  If you go on every date thinking, “we’re either going to get married or we’re going to break up”, then you’re probably going to have a much more mature outlook than the person thinking, “this could be the one!” before they’ve even finished the appetizer on the first date.  When it comes to dating, it’s so important that we guard our hearts.  We want them to be intact enough to give to the person God has created us for, and ultimately to God Himself entirely.

(Seeing as I stole his wisdom for this post, it’s fitting that I plug my uncle’s Young Adult Ministry — serving 18-25 year olds all over the country 🙂 )