Tag Archives: modesty

What Guys are Saying About Those FB Pics…

Before I get into this [again], I’d like to state that I’m really not trying to be dogmatic about this whole bikini thing.  No, there’s no ban on bikinis anywhere in the Catechism, and no, I’m not saying that if you wear one you’re damned to Hell.

However, I got a lot of feedback from women last week who just weren’t all that convinced by my 4 reasons to keep bikini pictures off Facebook (Apparently my word is not law after all…oh well).

So, while recognizing that you’re completely entitled to your own opinion and are free to make your own decisions and all that whatnot, I’d just like all of you ladies to be a tad more informed on what is actually going on in the minds of some of the more outspoken boys (clearly, not men) of the interweb.  In their own words—in response to my bold claim that there actually exist decent men out there who are inclined to hide bikini pictures from their Facebook newsfeeds:

  • “Well I know I hide the bikini shots….saving them is hiding them, right?”
  • “On #2, when they talk about hiding it, does that mean saving it to that special folder on my desktop?”
  • “As if any man would “hide” your bikini body on his newsfeed. Whoever told her that was either lying or gay”
  • “She is kind of right in that some women just want to post pics of a fun day WITMY GURLZ without realizing that dudes will be ogling the **** out of those pics on FB”
  • “Right click + save IS the Hide function, you nitwit!”
  • “75% of men look and 25% lie”
  • “Seriously man who needs porn when Facebook exists” 

And the comment that I found the most disturbing (not to mention misguided, as there have been countless studies showing the negative/addictive effects of pornography):

  • “…my point is that ‘objectifying’ doesn’t really go too far. A man who is mature and smart enough to separate fantasy from reality does no harm in using a random facebook woman to model for his imagination. No harm done in the real world.”

I realize that the Internet has a way of bringing out the creeps, weirdos, and pervs of the world, but keep in mind that Facebook is also a part of the Internet.   To sum all of this up with the words of another male commentator: “I have thought for a long time that if women understood the way men’s brains worked, they wouldn’t dress the way they do.”

And I stand by my statement.  The truly mature and smart men out there (yes, the ones you want to date and be friends with), will not objectify you.  As one such man puts it:

I confess that I am one of those guys who hides the bikini pictures on my Facebook news feed. So what do I think about this? …Guys, ultimately, whatever goes on in your head is your responsibility and that girl on the beach is not making you sin. But…girls…we need help…

Us men have no idea what it’s like to be a woman and to go through the struggles you go through. You do incredible things and we’re kind of left standing around like a bunch of half-witted louts wondering how exactly you girls do what you do. But on the same level of intellectual honesty, you have no idea what it’s like to be a man. And for Christian guys, the struggle of taking dominion over our masculinity is that much harder. Our identity in Christ forms us into men who want to put the Lord first in our lives. But our culture is all about objectifying women and turning them into vehicles for lust. There is tremendous cultural pressure for us to go along with that, and it is a daily battle, nay, a daily war that we fight to keep it at bay. It is the grace of God and nothing else that keeps us pure and waiting on Him.

But sisters, we need help. When we hang out with our Christian sisters, it is a place of safety for us. Or at least it should be. We need to be able to trust that you are going to place your trust in God… just as we fight to protect you. And it is so hard to fight that battle when our Christian sisters are dressing in the same swimsuits that the world finds fashionable. We are fighting to respect you and trust me when I say that those bikinis do not help.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, straight from the mouths of men (and boys).  It’s your decision whether or not to listen.

 

4 Reasons to Keep Bikini Pictures Off Facebook

Bikini_pin

Even though the weather in my neck of the woods as of late would seem to indicate otherwise, the calendar is telling me that summer is just around the corner.  You know what that means: Beach Season!

If you recall, last summer was My First Summer Without a Bikini, and honestly, I haven’t looked back (and am even a little surprised that it has only been a year since I stopped wearing bikinis).  Even still, I remember and understand the desire girls have to show off that new beach body and especially that new summertime swimsuit.  And in the age of Facebook, what better way to show off than by uploading a picture?  It seems harmless, and everyone else does it anyway…

But before you upload those pictures this summer, you may want to check out these 4 reasons to reconsider the bikini pictures:

1)   Because EVERYONE that you are friends with (and more, depending on privacy settings) can see these pictures.

Let’s stop and think about this for just a minute.  Think carefully of all 812 of your friends.  I’m sure you will come across at least one person that you wouldn’t want staring at you in a bikini.

To put it another way: imagine putting on your bikini and knocking on the front door of random Facebook friend—we’ll call him “Bob”—‘s house, and then just saying, “Feel free to stare at me.  I’m just going to stand here smiling.”

Are you sufficiently creeped out?  Unfortunately, that’s really not much different than what you’re doing by posting that “super cute” bikini picture of yourself on Facebook.

(If you’re having trouble thinking of who looks at your Facebook, here are some ideas to start you off: Uncle Jim, that kid you went to highschool with, the random guy you added because he kind of looked familiar but you’re not really sure you know in real life, potential employers, your lab partner, etc.)

2) Because the good guys (i.e. – the guys you want to date) will choose to “hide” those pictures from their newsfeeds anyway

[edit: No one believed me on this one. So I compiled some proof….]

That picture we took at the beach with our friends last Saturday?  We may see it as a great shot of us with our friends just having a good time, looking cute in our new bathing suit, and are thankful those crunches have paid off because our abs look darn good.  We even often post these pictures with the hopes of catching the attention of that cute guy from school.

This is so misguided though.  Assuming the guy you’re interested in is a good guy trying to do the right thing, he will not want to objectify you by reducing you to a mere collection of body parts.  But asking a guy not to reduce you to a collection of body parts and then presenting him with an image of basically nothing but body parts is sending some seriously conflicting signals.  (That picture is not inviting him to admire your beautiful smile…)

In other words, if the guy that you want to see this picture is a good guy with some discipline, he is going to hide the picture from his newsfeed because it’s an occasion of sin that he is wise enough to eliminate (and I have this on the authority of some pretty spectacular dudes).  If he’s not, well then he’s just going to objectify you without a second thought.  It’s a lose-lose situation.  Either way, you’re definitely not getting the kind of attention you want.

3)   Because you’d never post a picture of yourself in your bra and underwear on Facebook

Right?  Of course right.  Let’s stop pretending that a pictures of us wearing material covering the exact same amount of skin looks any different.

4)   Because your beauty is more than your body

Like I said, you will definitely attract attention from guys by posting pictures of yourself in your bikini, but they’re not going to be focused on your beautiful smile or your magnetic personality.  Don’t believe me?  Just check out the comments on anyone of you or your friends’ current bikini pictures.  I’ll bet they all read something along the lines of, “Dayyyum, girl!” and use words primarily like, “hot,” or “sexy.” You’ll be hard-pressed to find a “beautiful” or a “lovely,” but isn’t this the kind of attention we want far more than being referred to as, “hot”?

It’s a cheap way to get attention, and let’s face it: it’s beneath you.  You’re beautiful, and you don’t have to post a half-naked picture of yourself on Facebook to prove it.